• Wed, Aug 17 2011

The Daily WTF: Man Arrested For Biting Woman Claims To Be 500-Year-Old Vampire

A 19-year-old manchild named Lyle Monroe Bensley was arrested in Galveston, Texas over the weekend after breaking into a woman’s house in only his underwear and trying to bite her. According to the police report, “Bensley made growling and hissing noises while biting and hitting the woman in her bed.” Holy shit. Luckily, the woman managed to run into the parking lot outside her apartment building and jump into a car being driven by a neighbor, who then drove her to safety. Did she wonder for a moment if vampires might actually be real? No, because vampires are not fucking real.

Via The Houston Chronicle:

“He was begging us to restrain him because he didn’t want to kill us,” Galveston Officer Daniel Erickson said. “He said he needed to feed.”

How the cop managed to deliver this sentence with a straight face is beyond me. The things you see in Texas! The article continues:
Police received a call at 6:50 a.m. Erickson said he and another officer were in the woman’s apartment when they heard shrieking and growling sounds and saw Bensley in the parking lot. They arrested him after a short chase.

“I’m a vampire, and I’ve been alive for over 500 years,” Bensley said, according to Erickson.

Emergency medical personnel determined that Bensley did not appear to be under the influence of drugs, Erickson said.

A mental health hold was placed on Bensley and his bond was set at $40,000.

Does True Blood count as a drug? I think maybe it should, after this little episode. Also, he might consider working on his fashion sense if he ever wants a shot at being taken seriously as a vampire. I’m not sure if “nu metal douchenozzle” is currently a part of the vampire lookbook.

Share This Post: