• Tue, Aug 16 2011

Courtney Stodden’s Twitter Is Basically Softcore Porn

In every video interview we’ve seen with child bride Courtney Stodden so far, she appears to be in a constant state of arousal. The lip-licking, the writhing, the gross pawing of her 51-year-old husband…it’s disconcerting. But she couldn’t be like that all the time, could she? Surely she occasionally takes a break to think about food, movies, or young adult fiction?

Not according to her insane twitter account! While some women who trade on their sexuality use twitter to showcase a different side of themselves–Stoya’s thoughtful banter, for example, or Joanna Angel‘s documentation of the daily minutiae of running a porn site–Courtney is all sex, all the time. (Except when she’s talking about church, but even church seems to turn her on.) It’s like she’s hell bent on becoming a character from a 1980′s porno about naughty Catholic schoolgirls. Hell, maybe she is a character from a 1980′s porno about naughty Catholic schoolgirls that slipped on some errant jizz and fell through the space-time continuum. (And I mean a porn character, not a real person.) How else can you explain tweets like these?

At least we know she learned a lot of adjectives and adverbs while being home schooled.

Are you uncomfortable yet? No? Well then, here is a pic the precocious 16-year-old twitted of herself looking like the porno version of Pamela Anderson. (No, Pam was not already the porno version of herself. She is a multifaceted human being, with more coherent thoughts than “meow meow I’m a kitty cat.”)

Either this chick has teeny tiny labia, or they Photoshopped hers out. Let’s compare her with the original:

You know you’re really doing it to the max when you make Pamela Anderson look modest. (Also: Pam’s twitter feed is much more tolerable. Likeable, even. She has good taste in classic rock.)

I never thought I’d say this, but she might actually need to tone it down if she wants to land a reality show on a mainstream TV network. It makes people uncomfortable to wonder where all that hypersexualization is coming from at such a young age. Also: it’s kind of monotonous. We like our reality stars to be unpredictable, no? Then again, maybe I’m giving America too much credit. We shall see.

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  • Liana Maeby

    Creekwatch.

  • Jen

    Gross. Gross, gross, gross, gross. Her sexy posturing while being obviously clueless as to what’s actually sexy, the marriage to the creepy dude… the whole package gives me the heebies.

  • Jen

    Can someone PLEASE explain what is with the weird f-ing face she makes all the time? What is she doing with her mouth?? WHAT IS THAT?!?!

    • KM

      I was thinking the same thing!

    • sj

      cocaine

  • J

    I’m pretty sure she’s constantly doped up on something. It’s pretty sad, actually.

  • Eileen

    Yeah, I agree with you about her reality chances. She’s boring in an uncomfortable way. It’s really not attractive.

  • Pingback: The Editors Discuss: Understanding Child-Bride Courtney Stodden One Tweet At A Time | TheGloss

  • Kelvin

    I would love u 2 send me more and all your other topics,can i get it on Facebook

  • Houston Rocks

    This girl is f***ed up on drugs and has had so much surgery she looks like a science project! She has been abused by someone before she was abused by this 51 year old freak!

  • BIG AL

    SHE THINKS THERES A BIG BLACK COCK RUNNING ACROSS HER LIPS