We really don’t care if Michael Lohan‘s kiss with Real Housewives of New Jersey cockroach Kim G was for the benefit of either of their reality-TV careers — and yet, we can’t stop watching this video that Celebrity Magnet posted to YouTube! Kim’s officially gone off the deep end and no longer functions according to human emotions like humiliation. How else would she be able to admit to dating Michael Lohan (yuck) and taunt his girlfriend Kate Major, and not curl up into a little ball of agony at how stupid she looks?
Kim says that the liplock was undoubtedly real and that she and Michael are in a relationship. The fact that a middle-aged woman is publicly gloating about her weird romance is just so embarrassing. Doesn’t she have better things to do?
(The answer to that is no, since the first time we’ve seen her in the whole RHONJ season was when she was stirring up trouble at Melissa Gorga‘s Christmas party by bringing along Monica Chacon, the lawyer who’s suing Teresa and Joe Giudice. Kim never seems to learn her lesson.)
Kim’s wearing glasses, so we can’t judge whether she has the glazed eyes that excessive drug use would bring, but there can’t be any other explanation for it. It’s mind-boggling; she really seems to think that she has the upper hand here.
Stick around for the last line, because just when you thought that Kim was above awful sex puns, she goes for it: “And at the moment, Kate, he’s basically filling my pond. I don’t think he’s filling yours.” In what universe does it make sense for her to say that?
Kim’s video comes after last night’s Celebrity Rehab, where Kate flipped out when she saw a photo of Michael kissing Kim, which led to Michael stomping around the house screaming at Kate on the phone while his people kept reminding him about his bad heart. Later in the episode, Kate told Michael, “I’m not even attracted to you! You’re old, you’re ugly, and you’re bald.”
So to add insult to injury, Kate doesn’t even want Michael anymore. How do those sloppy seconds taste, Kim?