Sidenote: Could you imagine someone telling you about this movie during the heyday of Pacino? “He might be Serpico now, but one day this Oscar winner’s going to have a cameo in a shitty comedy picking up a fat, cross-dressing Adam Sandler in size-15 orthopedic shoes and a Jane Kaczmarek wig.” You wouldn’t believe it! You’d accuse this person of lying and you’d dismantle his time machine just to prove the point that nobody fucks with the legacy of Pacino like that. Except, of course, Pacino.
Now then, is Jill gonna go on that date with Al Pacino? Maybe not, because as she explains to Jack in regards to the silver screen legend, “You know all he wanth to do ith play Twithter with your thithter.” (That’s Esperanto, I think.) Good news for Jill, however — once she’s gotten the Pacino seal of approval, Jack actually starts to take her seriously as a human being and the pair of twinth begin to bond. They go on a cruise together; they enter and excel at a Double Dutch competition; there are some wacky jet ski stunts in Jack’s pool (good to see Kenny Powers getting work these days!). They womb-buddies even smile at one another with their identical incisors.
So, it looks like Jack and Jill will become close again and it also looks like that Adam Sandler might get to fuck Al Pacino. We have a few questions, however. Such as:
• What kind of a mother would name her twin children Jack and Jill? Motherfucking Mother Goose?
• Will Jill eat that hot dog with Al Pacino’s number on it?
• What size bra does Jill wear?
• Is this movie a real thing or just a prank to see stupid and gullible and bad with money mankind is?
• Are there gonna be tampon jokes? How about uterus references?
I will never know the answer to any of these questions, though, because I will never see this movie.