You may have heard that Cosmo just launched an iPad-only magazine for dudes called (creatively) Cosmo for Guys. Hoorah! Now the menfolk can be privy to the same questionable sex tips and fashion advice us woman-types have been soaking up for decades! Who’s up for a drink?
Magazine promises to tell you “what women want, right from the source”: Hmm. Sounds interesting. All right, we’ll drink the Kool-Aid (as long as it has vodka in it).
A feature about sex appears: Surprise. Take a drink for each feature.
A feature not about sex appears: Surprise? Take two drinks for each feature, because we don’t really believe they exist.
Magazine promises to detail exactly how to get a lady in bed with you: Take a drink.
Magazine’s instructions fail to get a lady in bed with you: Take a consolation drink.
“Tap to Hear Sound” button appears: What’s this? Take a curious drink…
“Tap to Hear Sound” button is attached to a story called “Decode Her Bedroom Sounds”: Take two even more curious drinks…
You tap the button to hear the sound: Take a drink…
You tap the button to hear the sound in a public place: Maybe you shouldn’t have done that.
Digital sex position chart appears: Neat-o! Take a drink!
Digital sex position chart is IN 3D!: Take a drink for each dimension!
Map appears detailing city’s opinions: Take a drink.
Map appears detailing city’s opinions about nipple-biting: Really? Take a bitey drink.
A quiz appears: Ooo, quizzes! We love quizzes! Take a drink!
The quiz informs you that you are a fashion god: Awesome! Take two drinks! Victory drinks!
The quiz also informs you that although you are a fashion god, you often choose not to exercise your godly powers: Dude, the magazine totally just called you lazy. What are you going to do about it? Take a drink. Or two. Or five.
Magazine promises to suggest appropriate gifts to give your special ladyfriend: This could be useful. Take a drink.
Magazine suggests you give your special ladyfriend a Barnes & Noble Nook: Hang on, isn’t this an iPad-only publication? Take a traitorous drink.
A flowchart appears: Pictures are nice. Take a drink for each chart that appears.
Flowchart promises to reveal whether or not she would cheat on you: Paranoia! Excellent! Take a drink for each negative thought you have after following the flowchart!
Magazine… kind of really doesn’t tell you what women want, right from the source: Damn your eyes, you lying magazine! Drain the bottle! In a manly fashion!