‘True Blood’ Sex Recap: A Midsummer Night’s Cream

It took a few weeks, but Sunday night’s episode of True Blood finally delivered full-on naked forest sex. And as with all of the series’ vampire-on-human action, it was equal parts ridiculous and erotic. Of course, this is True Blood—and we’re in the middle of what I will boldly call the worst season yet—so there was plenty of bullshit to wade through before Sookie and Eric got down with their bad selves.

So let’s talk about the other couples first. Naomi finally decided to check out Bon Temps and visit the woman formerly known as Toni. She and Tara get reacquainted in an awkward scene that involved Naomi shoving Tara down on the ground, and shouting, “I should kick your fucking ass.” Because, you know, the one thing True Blood needs more of is domestic violence. It’s OK, though—moments after the throwdown, the two began kissing passionately. I’ve gotta say, it looks like Tara uses way too much tongue. (When you’re an expert kisser, you pick up on these things.)

True Blood hasn’t really given us a lot to go on when it comes to Tara and Naomi. They look good together, sure, but there’s not much chemistry, and the are-we-gonna-fight-or-fuck thing is totally played out. I hope Pam eats Naomi and dates Tara instead. Ooh, putting that on my vision board!

Meanwhile, there’s something going on between Jessica and Jason, who has apparently moved on from his horrific gang rape. (I said I’d stop talking about it, and I will, but are we just never going to deal with this again?) I like the idea that Jess and Jason are linked because she gave him her blood—mostly because it’s nice to see a female vampire in charge. But why is Jessica suddenly smitten? Her bloodlust aside, wasn’t she happy with Hoyt? Why the sudden hankering for his best friend?

But then, True Blood doesn’t traffic in logic and consistent characterization. It’s kind of like Glee with a lot more fucking: the characters decide to date or sleep with each other whenever the plot finds it convenient. The Jason/Jessica storyline creates conflict between Jason and Hoyt, so I guess that’s something. But unless they resolve this with a wacky threesome, I’m not interested.

Finally, we have Sam and Luna. Or, I guess, Tommy and Luna. I doubt True Blood will acknowledge it given its recent track record, but what happened between them? That’s rape. Without getting all preachy about it, Luna did not consent to have sex with Tommy—she consented to sex with Sam. Having sex with someone by pretending to be someone else is completely horrifying, and I hope Tommy faces some consequences other than a stomach ache.

Look, I’m not trying to be the morality police. I mostly think sex is a beautiful thing, but it needs to be consensual, and True Blood has had an awful hard time with that concept. At least “I Wish I Was the Moon” gave us one truly great sex scene—and by “great,” I mean delightfully absurd. Sookie and Eric’s forest floor rendezvous under the moonlight was the kind of fluffy naked nonsense I tune into this show floor. I was almost a little surprised faeries didn’t dance around the fornicating couple while some friendly nymph played the lute. Hey, there’s always next week.

Seriously, though, there was something really satisfying about the climactic (LOL) scene. Eric’s bare ass. Sookie’s boobs. A Neko Case song. After all the awful sexual violence and trauma of the past few weeks, it was so pleasant to return to the silly kind of awful. Wouldn’t it have been more comfortable for Sookie and Eric to return home and do it in the comfort of her bed? Yes, but this is True Blood: I want sex that’s stupidly magical—and magically stupid.

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    • carrie

      If you’ve read the books, Jessica’s attraction to Jason makes more sense. Jason is part fairy in the books too, but the only quality he inherited is being incredibly sexually attractive to other people.

    • Jamie Peck

      Jessica has only ever had sex with Hoyt. Hoyt is a wonderful guy and all, but would YOU want him to be the only person you were ever going to bone? She’s already been struggling with wanting to fuck/bite other people. Jason has already drunk her blood, and he is way hot. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why she might be attracted to him.