Oh, Taylor. Between her original episode, the “what you missed” special, and now this, I feel like I’ve spent the last month watching The Taylor Show. And it is not a good show. She and her babydaddy Nathan are parked on the couch, and Taylor mumbles that they’re still together. She says that rewatching her episode was depressing because she and Nathan fought so much, and Drew says that she picks on him too much, rather than acknowleding the obvious fact that Nathan is a Grade-A douche whose definition of “helping with the baby” was “waking Taylor up to deal with the baby in the middle of the night and then calling her lazy when she was tired.” Drew asks about that terrified face that Nathan made during the labor and he says it smelled gross, and everyone laughs. Taylor says she’s on the pill now, but that she had a broken condom incident the first time. Dr. Drew then delivers a brief PSA about the morning-after pill.
Drew says that Taylor’s daughter Aubri had to have surgery, and Taylor says that Aubri had a tumor removed from her lung but that she’s doing fine now. Tears! We’re four for four so far, Drew, well done. He then brings out Taylor’s mom Debi, who says that even though she wanted Taylor to give the baby up for adoption they have all bonded with Aubri now. Debi says that she works third shift and then babysits Aubri, so she gets a total of three hours of sleep a day. Taylor said she “tried” homeschooling and couldn’t do it, which makes it sound like she’s still a spoiled beast. Debi gets a chance to do her own mini-PSA and reminds everyone that birth control is awesome. Does anyone want to chip in to my Send Debi and Barb On Vacation Together fund, email me. Taylor suggests asking people on the street if they have condoms if you’re too embarrassed to ask your parents. Man, she really is a bonehead.
Jamie is still just as awkward on camera as she was during her original episode, which reassures me that MTV doesn’t do media training for these girls. In case you forgot what a douche her boyfriend Ryan McElrath was, the recap is here to take care of that. Jamie and her side braid are already crying. She explains that she and Ryan worked out a formal custody agreement and that he sees Miah once a week for an hour at a supervised center, but that he does show up. Jamie says she changed her number so that Ryan can’t contact her. Drew asks about Ryan’s cheating and general assholery, and Jamie’s rebuttal is “Love is blind.”
Ryan comes out with Jamie’s mom April. Ryan asks if Jamie is okay, but only because the camera is on. He starts off with “No one is perfect” and then says he didn’t cheat, he dumped Jamie and then hooked up with someone immediately after. Ryan is a saint, clearly. April continues to loathe Ryan, and she admits that when Jamie asked her to help her get on the pill April just told her not to have sex, and she now realizes that that was stupid. Ryan says that Jamie is keeping him from seeing his kid, and she says that he does see Miah once a week, and that since she can’t trust him not to “hang out with the bad people and do the bad things” (well, that is specific!), that is all he’s getting for now. Jamie keeps crying, and she says that she wants Ryan and Miah to have a relationship someday. They revisit the day of the birth, and Ryan says his phone died and cops to having sex with another girl that very day. Drew tries to tell Jamie that young people treat each other badly and that’s why they should have waited to have kids. Drew needs to cool it with the victim-blaming for a sec.
I liked Cleondra during her original episode, and when they cut to her backstage waiting to come out she’s snuggling with Kylee and looking happy. It’s nice to see someone on here who clearly adores their kid. Cleondra and her babydaddy Mario come out onto the couch. Drew asks Cleondra how things are with Mario and she says their relationship is a “hot mess.” That’s hilarious, and it’s even more hilarious when Drew asks her what that means. Cleondra specifies that they’re not getting along and that Mario blames her for when things go wrong, and that they have terrible communication. And out come the tears! Cleondra was the only one who I thought might be able to withstand the Dr. Drew Tear Deathray, but I guess not. He asks her if she’s pushing Mario away, and then I suddenly develop an urge to push Drew away from the edge of a cliff.
After she cries some more, Drew focuses on Mario and asks if he understands that Cleondra has abandonment issues. Cleondra says that she works and goes to school, so that doesn’t leave a lot of time for her to hang out with Mario. Mario says that he hates that other people watch them, and Cleondra agrees but says that she’s glad they can rely on their families. Drew sticks the knife a little more in Cleondra by reminding her that most teen dads don’t stick around at all, so she should be grateful to have Mario even if he sucks. Wow, he should go into motivational speaking.