Virgin Viewing: ‘Tombstone’

This week, I’m going to break the Virgin Viewing fourth wall a little bit. This column was inspired by my boyfriend, a massive movie buff who was bummed out that I kept missing his jokes/references. He has curated most of this list, and other than the fact that I completely disagree with him on the virtues of The Dark Knight, it has been a lot of fun. So this week we watched a movie that’s not necessarily a classic on the level of The Godfather or Casablanca, but just so happens to be my SO’s favorite. And so here we go: Tombstone.

My lack of decent movie watching means that the only movie (besides Top Gun) I’d ever seen Val Kilmer in was Batman Forever, and that movie sucks. (I haven’t seen The Doors, which I should probably watch soon.) I’ve heard a lot of rumors about Val being a douche and hard to work with, so I’ve never really sought out his films. But dude, he is killer in Tombstone. The voice, the accent, the facial hair, the supreme dickishness, the Latin … divine. I know I was supposed to be paying attention to Kurt Russell, but Val Kilmer owned this movie for me.

Meanwhile, every single person ever is in this movie. I sort of suck at “Hey, it’s that guy!” unless the person has been on an episode of Murder She Wrote, but seriously, everyone is in this movie. Including:

  • John Locke from Lost
  • Bill Paxton, because he’s in everything
  • Thomas Haden Church (aka Lowell from Wings)
  • That chick who played Colleen the Other on Lost and is going to be Katniss’ mom in The Hunger Games
  • Jason Priestley
  • Teri Hatcher’s ex-husband
  • Charlton freaking Heston

I’ve used this space to rail on my dislike of shoot-em-up movies, and Tombstone was no exception. For awhile the shooting worked since there was a nice ratio of gunplay to wordplay, but at the end when Wyatt Earp went all fucking vigilante and just started killing everyone in sight, I lost interest. You know what would have really improved this movie? Sex scenes. Or even just a trippy laudanum sequence. But otherwise, I’m glad I saw this movie, since I now understand why the hell my boyfriend likes to inject “Maybe we could have a spelling contest” into random conversations. Plus, I get to make him watch my favorite movie (Soapdish) now.

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    • Rob

      LOVE Tombstone.

      “I’m your huckleberry” is how my computer greets me every morning.

      Also – little know trivia: the Director was Fired, and it was Ghost Directed by Kurt Russell, who Hired The Director of Record, George P. Cosmatos to handle the day to day execution of his shot list.