So remember a little while ago when the Fox News ticker got hacked? Well, guess what? It’s a hoax. Just like everything else. It turns out the news ticker stunt was pulled by MoveOn.org to launch their new “Rebuild the Dream” campaign, which is being fronted by Van Jones, the guy who was thrown out of the Obama administration for his extremist views. What’s really remarkable is the lengths to which MoveOn.org went to convince people the hack was real– everything from building the identity of the hacker months in advance to posting a “how I did it” video in response to accusations that the hack was fake. But fake it was, and you know what? I think it could use a drink. And so could every other hoax ever. Don’t you?
A sensational story appears: Take a drink.
It’s on the Internet: Of course it is. Take another drink.
There’s a picture: Whoa! For reals?! Take a drink!
There’s a video: Take TWO drinks!
The public wonders if it’s a hoax: Take one inquisitive drink.
The public decides that it’s real: Take one decisive drink
It goes viral: Take a drink for every place it appears.
It makes the news: This must be really big! Take a really big drink!
Surprise! It’s a hoax!: Damn. Take a consolation drink.
It’s a harmless prank: Ha ha, you got us. Now take a drink, ya chump.
It’s a not-so-harmless prank: What the hell kind of parent pretends their kid is stuck in a balloon?! Take a drink for bad parenting.
It’s a prank that has serious real-life repercussions: Not only was the Syrian blogger kidnapping a hoax, the blogger was a hoax as well. Oof. Take a drink.
It’s viral marketing: Of course it is. Take a drink.
It’s clever viral marketing: Okay. Props for that. We salute you, marketing team.
The viral marketing is cleverer than the thing it’s advertising: It’s for Limitless? Really?? We’re going to need something stronger to drink.
Some poor schmuck’s hopes and dreams are dashed to the ground because it’s a hoax: Sorry, boys. Emilia Clarke isn’t on Reddit. Take a drink a deal with it.
The public berates themselves for not realizing it’s a hoax: Take a drink.
The public learns its lesson: Take two drinks.
The public treats everything as a hoax: Take one drink for every hoax encountered.
Oh shit! Aliens!: What?!
Never mind. It’s a hoax: Oh, okay. Take a drink.
IT’S NOT A HOAX!: WHAT?!
THEY’RE COMING! AAAAAAAAH!: [Transmission lost]