Generate Your Own Arty Bollocks

Are you an artist of some sort? Do you hate writing artistic statements? I know I do. They’re a necessary evil, unfortunately; if you want funding, you have to write them, and they sure as hell won’t write themselves. OR WILL THEY? With the aid of this handy new Arty Bollocks Generator, you’ll never have to write another artistic statement again! Simply click on the button to generate some bollocks, and voila! Instant artistic statement! Don’t like your first one? Never fear– just keep on clicking until you end up with one you like. Let’s see what sort of artist it thinks I am, shall we?

Okay, so I’ve apparently moved beyond the modern and ventured into postmodern territory. I’m not exactly sure what that has to do with emotional memories, but it sure does sound pretentious. Furthermore, I’ve always generally considered ALL memories to be emotional. I suppose there’s such a thing as physical memory– muscle memory and all that– but honestly, I don’t consider my arm’s recollection of how far up it has to reach in order to open the kitchen cabinets to be on the same level as my brain’s recollection about getting lost in the mall when I was five. Also, I wasn’t aware that power could become a cacophony; what exactly does power sound like? Moreover, what does it sound like in large quantities (which, presumably, it must be in, if there is in fact a cacophony going on)? If money is power, maybe it sounds something like the chink of spare change jangling in a pocket. A really, really big pocket. Any other guesses? Anyone? No? Oooookay then; moving on…

Aha! The tyranny of aging (or ageing, if you prefer) and skateboard ethics! I may have only been on a skateboard once in my life, but I can definitely see how the passage of time could have a tyrannical hold on whether or not one can or should be riding a skateboard. Though perhaps I should refrain from mentioning how ungainly I looked flying off the skateboard and faceplanting into the pavement… Anyway! Apparently I’m supposed to like Andy Warhol quite a bit, as this is the second time he has appeared as an influence; maybe it has something to do with an attraction to soup cans or Marilyn Monroe. For is not that soup can representative of the human condition, which can then be seen in Marilyn’s tragic downfall? Our condition is inaccurate indeed. Only the soup can can reveal its truth. The soup can.. of LIFE.

You can reach this post's author, Lucia Peters, on twitter.
Share This Post: