• Tue, Jun 14 2011

5 Possible Reasons that Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris Called the Wedding Off

This morning, TMZ announced that Hugh Hefner called off his wedding to Crystal Harris just days before it was due to take place. Apparently, the couple had some kind of fight that resulted in them cancelling the planned Saturday nuptials. But what could it be? I have some theories:

Crystal slept with one of Hef’s kids.

Marston and Cooper Hefner are both over 18 now, so they’re fair game for aspiring Playmates/heirs to the Playboy fortune. And, unlike Dad, they probably don’t need any help getting it up. Okay, I am a jerk for having written that sentence.

Hef actually died and they’re waiting awhile to tell anyone.

This would be perfect for that Weekend at Bernie’s sequel I’ve been wanting to write for the last couple of years.

Crystal told Hef he couldn’t wear his sailor hat during the wedding.

Even though Hef loves his sailor hat and his smoking jacket, when Crystal gently suggested he wear a tuxedo for their wedding, he flipped out.

There was a Twilight Zone marathon on.

Hef loves his classic TV more than just about anything else, and there’s no way he’s going to trust that wacky DVR doohickey enough to not watch the marathon live. There are always other days for weddings, but there’s only one Twilight Zone marathon.

Hef finally realized that Holly is The One.

Anyone who watched The Girls Next Door totally knows that Holly genuinely loved Hef and that those two are destined for each other. I hope this means that the wedding still happens this weekend but Holly just does a switcheroo at the last minute and when Hef pulls back the veil – surprise! This happened on a soap opera one time and it was awesome, so I have no doubt that Holly could pull it off. Besides, she and Crystal have the exact same plasticky-looking superblonde hair, so it’s believable.

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