• Tue, Jun 7 2011

Textual Healing: Is The Second Date Phone Call Better Than A Text?

phone callText messaging is often the fastest way to communicate with friends and acquaintances, but it’s not always the best one. Especially when it comes to texting with guys. Here at Crushable we aim to help you sift through all the subtext and emerge relatively unscathed – with a little help from our friend Amanda Ernst.

A few months ago, I challenged myself to approach texting and dating in a different way. That meant using texts less and getting to know a guy in person or on the phone. I know, I know, talking on the phone seems like a foreign concept to young adults today. And, as the weeks went by I wondered if I would ever meet someone who would call me up to chat and make plans. But then I did and it made me realize how compelling a phone call can be.

When I meet guys, I warn them — don’t text me, you don’t know where your words might end up. But one night I met a brave soul who texted me the next day:

So I met this great girl last night and we made plans to go out Wednesday. Now I’m heading out of town for the weekend but want to confirm. She’s kind of a textpert though so I don’t want to screw it up. Any advice?

Here’s some advice: flattery will get you everywhere. We ended up planning our first date by text — totally acceptable per my rules. It was a great first date. But when it came time to schedule a time to see each other again, we tried to meet up while both hanging with friends, exchanging those texts that go something like, “Where are you?” “What are you up to?” and “When are you heading home?” I ended up going home early — thwarting our plans. It’s easy to cancel, dodge or back out of plans when you’re texting but, as I would soon learn, it’s not as easy to say no on the phone. And phone calls have an additional bonus: when you’re listening the tone of someone’s voice and enjoying some fun banter, you don’t want to say no. You want the conversation to continue.

As you may have guessed, after our second attempt at meeting went bust, I got a phone call. And it was lovely. If I had any doubt I wanted to spend more time with this guy, it was gone after the call — which ended with us making plans. I know it’s not always this clear-cut, but in this case, the second date phone call was better than a text. I guess that means that I disagree with these dating bloggers. But that’s okay. In this instance it worked, but I need more research to reliably say second date phone calls are the way to go.

What do you think? Would you rather talk to a guy on the phone or do you avoid phone calls at all costs? How often do you talk to your dates by text before you meet up or in between dates? Leave your experiences in the comments below and you might see it featured in an upcoming installment of Textual Healing.

Looking to set up a date where you don’t have to use texting or calling at all? Head on over to our sister site TheGloss’ dating page, brought to you in partnership with HowAboutWe.

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  • Michelle

    Phone calls hands down. There are fewer misunderstandings and you can really get the tone of a person or make a joke that might otherwise go over the other person’s head when you talk to someone rather than text. And if a guy does it, it shows that he’s really stepping up since most people don’t make calls anymore. It’s like the lost art of writing a love letter.

    • Amanda Ernst

      Yes! And getting a love letter would be pretty great, too.