It’s summer. That means that it’s the time of summer movies. Many of these movies will be terrible; and yet, we will all go see them anyway. This is a strange phenomenon that scientists have yet to figure out. In the meantime, though, all of these terrible movies can be made much more palatable with the judicious application of alcohol. Also, not that this game is applicable to any sequel to any movie that has already come out or will be coming out in the near future: Pirates 4, The Hangover: Part II, Cars 2, Kung Fu Panda 2, and so on and so forth. Now pick your poison, head to the cinema, and hope for the best!
You honestly really liked the first movie: Take one drink.
You hop fervently the second one is at least okay: Take one drink and hope for the best.
You know in your heart that the second one will NOT be okay: Take a drink for each time your heart sinks.
You didn’t really like the first one, you know the second won’t be any good, and you’re STILL going to see it: Take at least three drinks. More if needed. And ask yourself the following question:
You’re going to it because a friend is dragging you to it: Take one drink and know that your friend owes you one.
You’re going to it because a significant other is dragging you to it: Take one drink and know that your sig other owes you several.
It’s a reboot: Maybe there’s hope yet. Take one fortifying drink.
It’s in 3D: Take one drink for each dimension.
The franchise has been dead for longer than 5 years: Take one drink for each year it’s been dead.
The franchise is getting revived after being dead for longer than 5 years: Take one drink for each year it’s been dead, followed by an number of drinks equaling the number of the movie (4 drinks for Spy Kids 4, etc.)
It’s a horror movie: Take one drink while hiding your eyes.
A funny joke from a previous movie is reused: Take one drink for each joke.
It’s not funny anymore: Take two drinks for each joke.
Bonus for trilogies or more: It stopped being funny three movies ago: Take three drinks for each joke.
The characters have become caricatures of themselves: Take a drink for each character.
The plot is recycled from a previous movie: Take five drinks. You’re going to need them.
It was directed by Michael Bay: Drink deep, my friend. Drink deep.