• Sun, Apr 24 2011

8 Things NOT To Try If You Get Trapped In A Time Loop (A Guide)

Time travel is a dangerous business. Perhaps even MORE dangerous, though, are time loops. Rather than allowing you to go anywhere, anytime, a time loop instead traps you in one sequence of events for a specific amount of time (think Groundhog Day). A few weeks ago, Cracked had some excellent advice on hand for 8 Things To Try If You Get Trapped In A Time Loop. However, with the exception of number 3, they neglected to address the important issue of what NOT to try if you get trapped in a time loop. Subsequently, I’ve taken up their advisory mantle; should you find yourself in a time loop, do NOT, under any circumstances, try to:

1) Escape.
Because you won’t if you’re actively trying to. They only way you’re getting out of a time loop is if you figure out what it is you’re meant to be doing in it. Then it will resolve itself. You can’t strongarm it on your own, so take it in stride and see where it goes.

2) Find Yourself.
Finding yourself in any sort of time situation is always problematic. If you’re going back in your own timeline, you don’t want to run into yourself because you’ll cause a paradox. However, if you’re stuck in a LOOP, odds are you won’t be able to find yourself anyway, so don’t waste your time trying.

If you DO find yourself by accident, however, DON’T try to:

3) Insist You’re the Real You.
Odds are you found a clone. You’re both the real you. Instead of arguing about it, put both your heads together and see where that takes you.

Moving right along, DON’T try to:

4) Explain Your Problem to People.
They won’t believe you. They never do. Remember, their memory is only as long as the time loop and you can’t really change that. Telling them to trust you, though– that’s something you CAN do. Now you just have to hope they do it.

5) Ignore Strange Physical Problems You Suddenly Start Having.
If you start bleeding from weird places or all your teeth start falling out, seek medical attention immediately. And stop whatever you’re doing that’s causing it.

6) Ignore What’s Happening, Period.
Shutting your eyes, sticking your fingers in your ears, and going “LALALALALALA” really loudly won’t solve anything.

7) Barter with the Military.
Especially if they put you in the time loop. If they’re the ones that put you there, they want you there for a very specific reason, and they will tell you anything in order to make sure you do what they want you to. They will lie. Do not trust them.

And finally, never, EVER, try to:

8) Give Up.
You’ll get through it. I promise.

Good luck.

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