• Tue, Mar 15 2011

Endorsement Wars: Kim Kardashian Vs Krusty the Clown

Those of you who watch The Simpsons know that Krusty the Clown is the ultimate sellout, endorsing everything from handguns to brain tonic to children’s vitamins. In fact in the episode “The Last Temptation of Krust” he comes to the realization that his real talent isn’t comedy, it’s selling out. In real life, it’s Kim Kardashian who comes closest to this level of product shilling, with a tendency toward the ludicrous. The Kardashians made $65 million dollars last year (with no discernable talent) and a huge chunk of that comes from endorsement deals. We put Kim and Krusty head to head to see who wins the products-with-our-names-on-them Olympics.

KIM KARDASHIAN vs. KRUSTY THE CLOWN


“Kardashian Konfidential”
vs
Krusty’s Autobiography
(ghost-written by John Updike)
While Bart notes that Krusty’s autobiography has many “glaring omissions” it was written by one of the 20th century’s great writers, while “KK” was decidedly not. In fact, we’re guessing the latter has more pictures than words. Point: Krusty.

Kim for NASCAR
vs
Krusty for Canyonero
This is a tough one: Krusty did get to keep his Canyonero and we doubt Kim got to keep that pink Chevy, but to swing an endorsement deal for one of America’s most popular “sports” while having absolutely no affiliation with it is just too impressive. Point: Kim.

Kim’s Vanilla Cupcake Mix
vs
Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel
Despite the fact that Kim has several products that promise weight loss, she has her own line of cupcakes which allows her extremities to move in mysterious ways through online ads. Krusty, on the other hand, makes imitation gruel that he feeds his malnourished campers. While we’re sure Kim’s cupcakes contain less newspaper, Krusty’s profit margin has to be higher. Point: Krusty.

Kim Kardashian for Women
vs
Krusty Personal Swabs
While both will burn you when they come in contact with your eyes, only Kardashian leveraged her personal care product into an “Apprentice” appearance. Point: Kim.

The Kardashian Debit Kard
vs
Krusty’s Legal Forms
Krusty’s legal forms may make you wince, but the Kardashian Kard is a pre-paid credit solution designed to suck the money out of people who can’t get credit. That is much more despicable and therefore #winning. Point: Kim.

PerfectSkin
vs
The Lady Krusty Line
The Kardashians may endorse their own skincare line, flouting the celebrity must of starring in Proactiv commercials, but to have your own line of beauty products for women when you’re a freaky-looking clown is the ultimate shill move. Point: Krusty.

Kardashian Glamour Tan
vs
Krusty Radon Detector
Both will save you from cancerous elements, but to have the gall to use your Armenian heritage to claim you have a “really good tan” is just brilliant. Point: Kim.

Kim wins by one point, but no matter how slim the margin a win is a win. We bow down to you, Ms. Kardashian – you are the shilliest of the shillers, the queen of questionable morals. Enjoy the honor…and the money.

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