Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP

It’s Thursday which means it’s GOOP day! We’re big fans of Gwyneth Paltrow‘s weekly newsletter that comes chock-full of advice and recommendations for the everyday woman — so we got her to give Crushable an exclusive sneak peek at an upcoming edition. Enjoy!


When it comes to artisanal rice, I find it isn’t a food worth eating at all unless you’re ordering straight from -/%- , which may seem a strange name, but that’s actually a Pan-Asian character meaning ” Pan-Asian. ” The rice arrives in a beautiful, fragrant jar that can also be used to store the children’s fireflies I often import from Fiji. Each grain is hand picked by the delicate fingers of a tiny Asian man and then monogrammed. Without a doubt, it produces the fluffiest seed I have ever encountered.

- 3 cups rice
- 6 cups water – I prefer mine to be delivered straight from my favorite well in Somerset.
- A pinch of sea salt (Pacific)
- Sunflower oil

1. Rinse the rice to get rid of excess starch. (Don’t use your Somerset water for this, use your Cornwall.)
2. Bring the rice to a boil, uncovered, at medium heat. Add the salt and oil.
3. When boiling, turn the heat down low and place the lid atop the pot.
4. When you start to see “craters” in the rice, put the lid on tight. These craters will be approximately the size of a freshwater pearl but certainly no larger than a conch pearl.
5. Turn the heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes.
6. Serve with seasonal vegetables or a seasonal chicken.


I was lucky enough to spend a few days visiting the Lost City of Atlantis last May. I stayed at the underwater Four Seasons, which was recommended by my dear friend, the famous scuba diver Richard Hartlander. The decor was lovely and appropriate to the setting, and I found the kelp body wash and live sponges to be an exceptional treat.

My first night I went to dinner at C, which I’d heard nothing but good things about. I’m told that the owner, a merman, is related to the original King of Atlantis. C is very modern in decor, lit only by the neon sea creatures. I skipped appetizers and went straight for the main course, which was very rewarding as the fish you order swims directly into your mouth. I got the trout, which was imported from Montana.

After dinner I got drinks at the elegant Whale’s Belly with my dear friend Lord Henry de Valentine, who happened to be in Atlantis conducting business. Henry couldn’t believe I’d never tried sea cucumber liqueur and quickly ordered a round for both us and the whale. The drinks arrived in a hollowed-out shark fin, which is something I’d only experienced twice before.

In the morning, I decided to embark on a tour of the old abandoned castle, which reminded me of the one I rent back home as a wrapping room. My tour guide was my dear friend, a narwhal. We rented an ocean current for the occasion and I found it a fantastic way to get around.

Atlantis is a beautiful place and I hope to return soon with the whole family.

A Children’s Birthday Party Clown

My children are quite particular when it comes to being entertained by birthday party clowns, who, by the way, don’t have to be only for birthday parties. Sometimes I find it’s nice to have one around in case of rainy days or as a special treat for the children before nap time. Here are my recommendations:

The Mineral Artist
I find it can be fun to branch out from traditional balloon animal artistry, and so I’ve taken to hiring balloon mineral artists to entertain the children with their wonderful creations. In addition to crafting beautiful and unique shapes, these artists add a special touch by adhering real minerals like topaz and diamonds to their balloons. The children love to play with them and then to set them afloat, watching as their mineral-crusted balloon fly up, up and away into the clouds.

The French Mime
I’ll admit that I’m not as familiar with the art of mime as I could be. I once had a friend leave the dinner table in disgust when he found out I’d never pulled the rope with Marcel Marceau. He was later found dead and folded-up into 25 pieces in a secret closet on the top floor of the Magic Castle. Ever since, I’ve made it a point to familiarize myself with the wonderful art, and I find the children really love their silly face paint.

Steve Martin
I’m of the opinion that if you know Steve Martin, you should definitely get Steve Martin.


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    • Cruising

      Monogrammed rice sounds DELISH – thank you thank you for this tip, GP!

    • Parvenu

      Yes I often use my artisanal Pan-Asian rice jars for a variety of things, for instance, my large collection on Unicorn semen. Just having it around wards off pesky chimaeras!