• Sun, Mar 6 2011

Some Imagined Storylines for ‘The Real Housewives of Haight-Ashbury’

We posted earlier this week that a casting call on Craigslist appeared to be casting a new Real Housewives city: Real Housewives of San Francisco. My first thoughts were, “Jesus, hasn’t Bravo learned?! First Washington D.C. and now it looks like Miami will follow in their tragic footsteps.” I’m not necessarily against a new city, but I had a bad feeling about the two aforementioned Real Housewives disasters, and I got a bad feeling about San Francisco.

My fears were quelled when it was announced that Bravo is not casting Real Housewives of San Francisco. The Bay Citizen contacted Bravo, and the network said, “Bravo does casting for many shows around the country, but this casting call is not for our network.”

I’ve been to San Francisco many times, as I have a lot of family out there. That’s why I couldn’t help but snicker when I heard about the casting call. Sure, I could definitely see a Real Housewives of Marin County or Real Housewives of Silicon Valley succeeding out there. But, could I see a Real Housewives of Haight-Ashbury? After thinking about it, I’ve come up with a few scenarios that might happen in Real Housewives of Haight-Ashbury:

  • Blossom invites the other ladies and their husbands over for a potluck dinner and Aspen brings a macaroni-and-cheese. Hello?! Everyone who’s anyone knows that Blossom is a vegan. Blossom politely asks Aspen to put the dish in her Prius, as it offends her and the other guests. Aspen and her husband, Elijah, leave in a huff, stomping all over Blossom’s pitiful-looking garden as they leave.
  • Blossom and Eden have a fun Saturday, comparing their children’s gifted abilities and going cruelty-free shopping. As they walk, Blossom and Eden discuss the macaroni-and-cheese debacle. Eden suggests that Blossom give Aspen another chance, as the only mistake Aspen made was not becoming a vegan. Eden points out that Aspen never eats at chain-restaurants and her favorite leisure activity is participating in Berkeley demonstrations. Just as Blossom is considering giving Aspen a second chance, they walk past a Starbucks and see Aspen waiting on line, inside. There’s no redeeming Aspen now. Blossom and Eden go to a fair-trade coffee shop and stew over Aspen’s betrayal.
  • After a lovely walk around Berkeley with their kids, Heather goes back to Layla’s house for a glass of wine. When Heather’s daughter, Chakra, needs a diaper change, Layla hands Heather a disposable diaper. Heather asks if Layla has any cloth diapers, as she is not comfortable using disposable items. When Layla gives Heather a curt “no,” Heather makes some excuse about having to check her compost pile at home, and scurries out of there.
  • Aurora hosts an anti-Thanksgiving party with family, friends, and the other housewives. Blossom gets into an argument with Aurora’s brother-in-law, Dave, when she finds out that he voted against the marijuana legalization bill, citing some vague reason about a family history of drug abuse. Blossom, Heather, and Eden huddle in the bathroom, discussing what just happened. They throw around words like “poser.” They find out that the three of them have more in common than with Aurora, Layla, and Aspen. The line in the sand has been drawn. It’s now the salt-and-pepper girls versus the environmentally-unsound highlighted and dyed girls.
  • Eden hosts the finale party at a local Haight-Ashbury restaurant. It will be the first time the girls have all been together since Aurora’s party. Everyone is seated and ready to eat, and Aspen is nowhere to be found. She is ignoring her cell-phone, and everyone starts talking shit about her. Just as Eden is about to start without her, Eden strolls in- wearing a real leather jacket. All bets are off: she has just declared war.

(Photo via Smart Destinations)

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