Meet Your New Favorite Housewife: Miami’s Elsa Patton

Last night on Bravo, I caught a sneak preview of The Real Housewives of Miami. And while there were clearly seeds that will sprout into lots of drama between the ladies this season, there was clearly a standout when it comes to ridiculous, entertaining ladies: Marysol Patton‘s mother Elsa.

Marysol describes her mother as a seer, and in the first episode, she goes by her momma’s house to get some future insight into her current relationship.

The 76-year-old speaks with a thick accent, and as she quickly explains when Marysol gets shy about talking sex in front of her:

“I’m a woman of this century, Marysol. I’m not a Victorrrrrian Laayyyyy-dy.”

Elsa spent most of her screentime with a big old glass of wine in her hand last night. And the above photo shows mug shots of both Elsa and her daughter, after they got arrested for DUIs last year (on separate nights).

But did Marysol befriend a hooker in jail? Nope! Only her mom swung that one:

In jail, Patton befriended an African American hooker, with whom she emerged when she was eventually released. “Elsa gave the hooker $50 and a ride home,” laughs our source. As for the charges? “She doesn’t care. She thinks it makes her more fabulous.”

Also, at one point in the first episode, Marysol explains that she would never get plastic surgery. To which I say: hahahahaa. HA.

Aside from the fact that she’s clearly had lip work done, the first time her mother came on screen, I actually thought Marysol’s last name was Wildenstein. Because she looks so much like the infamous Cat Lady, Jocelyn Wildenstein, I couldn’t get over it. Check out this side by side:

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    • Maria

      Wow, you guys are too kind & too crazy! I can’t believe after seeing the manner in which these people conduct their lives and frivalsously waste $$ Especially the Plasic Surgeon/his wife? seriously, you want to keep givng money/hiring a dr. who if you weren’t in his office paying him wouldn’t let you in his gated community. Give me a plastic surgeon whose wife isn’tthe poster child for “over done” or who donates his time to burn centers, helps children with no mone and cleft pallette. All these people are disgusting * the fact that people support there bs makes a much worse world.
      My mother was a medical doctor & i know the lifestyle that we could have lived & the one that we did–but she always said, if you spend all your time focusing on yourself… the botched plastic surgery of the mom is a testiment to thinking about yourself too mch. go donate your time at a hospice and your behind won[‘t be a chopping block for the umpteenth time getting botched work.
      Seriously, only ONE of those women gave a woman $50 & a ride home AFTER DUI arrests–I have no mercy for people who indignantly endanger countless people b/c they drank the coolaid/believed their delusional thoughts of entitlement, being above the law, and allowed to endanger the lives of others AND THEN GET $$$$$ IN CONTRACTS FROM BRAVO? hello? you don’t even know how many other cars they may have “knicked” pulling out and not even realized it b/c drunk & left those poor suckers with insurance claims, $ out of pocket, and/or marks on their cars they don’t want to pay a huge deductible to fix.
      its disgusting! What is even more ridiculous and appalling sad commentary on all these “types” kardashians, housewives, etc. is these itches wouldn’t give you the tme of day or a helping hand And people are buying their makeup or clothes Those DumbArses are giving contributeless itches MULTIMILLION DOLLAR homes/lives etc and wouldn’t give you the time of day. Guess what you don’t have to give me the time of day–i ddind’t drink the koolaide But DO ME THE FAVOR AND STAY OFF THE FLORIDA ROADS & bravo, this isn’t MTV exploiting bad behavior It is PAYING for otherwise wealthy invidiuals to endagner others.
      THat behavior if you don’t have $$ is more commonly known as mental illness/delusional thinkging etc. I think that the one promo with the one saying the others are “classless fame addticts etc ” is true the Fact that “lea” said the shoe doesnt fit/no botox for brains etc She may not be as “overdone” as the rest in the pack but I calll BS on no fillers…I say More power to the Nutter with the musical bowls making $ off her.! Perfect! And i love the
      “ok son, get lost and go have dinner with the housekeeper” what a mom. I don’t kniow what is going on with the blondes child his struggles– but lets not cry for the Mom, Don’t forget who the victim is THE SON is the one with the struggles, the Problem with dealing with any challenge is always $$$, she’s got it for her Son, & if i was that kids Mom I wouldn’t waste so much money on bleach or myslef I would be saving every penny to set up a fund capable of taking care 100 years of medical expenses he may have in the future.
      You guys are crazy REALITY CHECK: you are contributing to the lifestyle and $$$ and bad behavior of a group of people and associates that would likely treat you like the garbage THEY think Everyone but they are…$50 & a Ride? Really I think that is what she gets from a scumbag “john” & you guys are supppsed to be classy,RICH Women, Grow up–don’t pull a “john goodman” and kill and innocent in a drunk driving incident leaving the kid to drown–oh but then lea’s husband will represent you (if you have the $$$$ or don’t bother) but CALL a driver to take your Dui as. home! OMG ^ when I heard the defensse “i was so upset & in pain I DRANK after the accident” They taught that approach at all the law schools in Florida 25 years ago!
      2 separate events and they don’t think they are above the law, like m other liike daugher & talk about “overdone” Joe Francis’ face was getting pretty close to the face of the women’s botched surgery. $$ affords you he opporuntity to get good surgery/illers, etc and look natural lea is tryin that approach but is stil a pot calling the kettle black.
      Geez, at least they are all making huge bank of the ignorant, stupid masses buying into their bs.
      This was not intended as a flaming message but as a REALITY CHECK

      • Guest

        geeze…ramble much?