Crushable Books: The Rules According To JWOWW

It wasn’t so long ago that we were reviewing the latest title from Jersey Shore cast member Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, A Shore Thing. That book was amazing: Between tales of farts, water sports, and “crispy wangs”, the “novel” was like some cruel twist on the famed Miligram Experiment. Except instead of having to administer electrical shocks to random people to determine the extent to which we humans will listen to people in authority, we had to shock our brains into thinking lines like “Groping between his legs, Gia found a couple of marbles in a tea bag and a measly worm. When she touched the worm, it twitched,” constituted acceptable reading material.

Luckily for us, The Rules Of JWOWW has less of a sadistic ghostwriter. Which doesn’t make it any better, mind you, just more easy to stomach. My main problem with this advice guide is that as much as I admire JWOWW (super much! No irony!), I wouldn’t take dating advice from her. Her last boyfriend almost killed their dog! She gave up on Pauly D. during the first season, even though he is obviously the best guy in the house. Her ex Tom is trying to put out a sex tape of her. Can we just call this book How to Get Into An Abusive Relationship With A JuiceHead? Because that title would be way more apt.

Still, let’s try to break down the Jenni Farley book into parts, yeah?

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