Well, don’t we feel stupid! Here we were, not two hours ago, writing about how weird we are for wearing Old Spice deodorant, while across the country Lady Gaga was dreaming up a new perfume line meant to smell like BLOOD and SEMEN — which very well may be the world’s worst possible scent (though a potential sponsor for MTV’s Skins).
Seriously, this news is super gross. So Gaga, we implore you: Before you commit a factory of people to living out their working hours in a dark lair infused with gallons of period sex, here are some better olfactory options for your consideration:
1. The New Jersey Turnpike: On a hot summer’s day if you insist.
2. Essence of Raw Meat: Did you happen to keep that VMAs dress around?
3. Eau de Four Loko: Or is that more of a Ke$ha thing?
4. Eau de Water: Cheap, easy, and palatable to everyone.
5. Like maybe flowers or something?
6. Bubbles! Seriously, we would wear bubbles.
7. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: It’s a secret! (But probably flowers or something.)