Now that Jenni “JWOWW” Farley has given up on her burgeoning art career, what’s the next step for the Jersey Shore star? Why, a dating book of course. Who doesn’t need dating advice from a woman whose tagline is “After sex I rip their friggin’ heads off” and who routinely ends phone conversations with boyfriends by slamming down a giant duck?
Actually, we could all learn a thing or two from JWOWW, like how to write anonymous notes with big words in them or how to sound like that lady from Beetlejuice who can breathe smoke out her neck. I just wouldn’t go to her for relationship advice, necessarily.
Although we’re still waiting on our copy of The Rules According To JWOWW, which comes out February 8th, the New York Post printed a couple of her “tips” last months, including such gems as “Rule No. 17, Bust his balls a little,” and “learn to spot a man whore a mile away.”
We’re excited to read the book, but we’re a little wary. After all, Jenni’s relationships aren’t really a model of healthy behavior. Sure, she’s better than Ronnie and Sammi, but not by much. Her stuff with Tom this season seems like it would involve some kind of domestic abuse if they were actually close enough to touch each other. And you are actually terrible at spotting man whores, unless that man whore is Ronnie, who is actually not that much of a man whore. Your current boyfriend, Roger Matthews, actually seems like more of a man whore, since he was dating someone when you guys first hookedstarted smushing.
And do we really want advice on dating from a woman whose ex is threatening to sell a sex tape of the two of them? In general, I try to avoid taking tips from people currently going through lawsuits about the very things they claim to be experts on. Maybe if this was a book about landing a terrible boyfriend who yells at you all the time? Or a book about how to pull out a bitches’ weave? Or hell, even a book about being a good wingwoman…she’s pretty good at that, right? Actually: what does JWOWW do well enough to be an expert on?
Still, we’ll give it a chance. Couldn’t be any worse than A Shore Thing, right? Would you take dating advice from the praying mantis of Jersey Shore?