No Strings Attached, the new romantic comedy starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman as two young people who have trouble being just friends with benefits, opened this weekend to mixed reviews. Apparently, a lot of the film’s misses have to do with it being altered so drastically from its original script. Luckily, we found ourselves a copy of the original screenplay*, and are excited to bring it to you in it’s entirety. Enjoy!
Interior: Club. Dr. Emma Kurtzman (Natalie Portman) is dancing with her BFF girlfriend Shira (Mindy Kaling)
Shira: Woow! We’re having fun!
Dr. Emma: We sure are! There’s nothing I like more than taking time from my incredibly demanding job at the emergency room to drink heavily and dance!
Adam Franklin (Ashton Kutcher), the son of a very rich man, spies Dr. Emma. He immediately recognizes how amazingly, out-of-this world attractive she is, even in LA, where everyone is an aspiring actor. I mean, she is just like, stupid beautiful. He approaches.
Adam: Hi. Wow, hi.
Dr. Emma also realizes that Adam, while smug-looking and not exactly her type, is still mind-bogglingly good-looking. Like a male model, which again, L.A. is full of, but that doesn’t mean this guy is not above and beyond attractive.
Dr. Emma: Hi.
(They go in for a handshake – hug? – but since they are both adorably klutzy, they end up spilling their vodka and seltzer over the front of each other’s shirts. You can see everything.)
Shira: Looks like you guys just made a love connection!
Dr. Emma and Adam smile at each other and the scene fades to black.