Maxim has a new sex survey that is specifically designed for the ladies. The magazine will then use this new data for an article that will tell you how women like having their G-spots touched and that modern women hate snuggling.*
Since these responses are already biased to results that will mollify their sexually lazy and uncreative readers, we hope that next year, Maxim will include the following questions.
1. Are you in the mood to have sex?
2. What could we be doing differently to make sex more enjoyable for you?
3. Have you lost weight recently?
4. Does that annoying “Uggggh” sound we make when we come kind of ruin the moment?
5. Do we go down on you too much?
6. What would you think if we just wanted to cuddle tonight?
7. If train A leaves Chicago traveling 100mph and train B leaves New York traveling 150mph and the distance between the two cites is 600 miles how much longer are you going to be in the bathroom, honey? Just wondering…you’ve been in there awhile. No, it’s fine.
8. Have you ever thought that maybe we’re imagining James Franco, too?
9. A man’s pubic hair should be…? Nevermind, that’s actually on the survey.
10. Why are you reading Maxim instead of having sex with us?
* Not even joking, one of the questions is: Is post-sex snuggling seriously important to you? Really?