Was the title of last night’s Jersey Shore ironic? As the second episode of the 3rd season, “It’s Going To Be An Interesting Summer” could have been an appropriate name if anything, literally anything had happened on the episode. Instead, we had another full hour dedicated to Sammi‘s spiral into clinical depression, which included a 10-minute dinner scene where she and Ronnie had so little to say to each other that the producers were forced to give the waitress lines. Seriously. “Would you guys like anything else?” and “Can I take your order?” were actual pieces of dialogue. So was “I will have the grilled chicken sandwich with broccoli rabe.”
Meanwhile, the rest of the cast has Sunday dinner and wonder what Sammi and Ronnie could possibly be doing. To make a perfect analogy, this would be like having a Passover Seder where you spent the entire time talking about Elijah. Don’t worry guys! Sammi and Ronnie are just staring at their sandwiches, not talking to each other! Even with your limited imaginations, you guys have seen Sammi and Ronnie at meals before, you don’t need to rack your brains to figure out how painful and awkward their relationship is. Enjoy yourselves! Because they aren’t!
And lets talk about those two for a moment (because we have to). Even though last night was really the lowest this show has ever sunk in terms of entertainment value, you can’t help but have a post-game discussion about Ronnie and Sammi’s horrible relationship. Because we all know a Sammi and Ronnie: the two friends that are miserable with each other, and not content to be miserable with each other alone. Instead they’re a constant presence in your lives, dragging down every occasion with their silent fuming and evil eyes, only to cut every outing short so they can go home and explode at each other. Jesus Christ, these two.
Sammi, we hate you, and you’re a drag on this entire program. You’re not even interesting-awful, like Angelina. Either leave the program and get some help, or fucking suck it up, girl. Because one more episode like this and we’re going to have to call it quits on this whole show.