• Tue, Jan 4 2011

Why Does 5-Hour Energy Want You To Be Tired All The Time?

Despite their extremely low-budget commercials, the makers of 5-Hour Energy drink are evil geniuses. Don’t believe me? Maybe you just need to get rid of that 2:30 feeling.

Of course, the new rounds of 5-Hour drink ads promote something entirely different: drinking these ‘shots’ to wake up in the morning.

Wow, does that clock say 6 a.m.? So you’re supposed to give yourself five hours of energy that will take you till 11 a.m., at which time you’ll “crash.” Of course, most of us don’t get up at 6. Lets say you get up at 9 in the morning. Drinking one of these babies will have you sleepy again by 2-2:30. 5-Hour Energy is actually creating that 2:30 feeling, locking you in a bitter cycle of energy shots that can only be broken by taking a bunch of Ambien and resetting your internal clock so that 2:30 feeling is no different than that 1:30 feeling, or 5:30 feeling. Like Jerry Seinfeld told Jimmy Fallon, “Who only needs five hours of energy?”

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  • Cruising

    lolz

  • Cruising

    “who’s working 1 to 6?!”