To whom it may concern,
We recently heard from our friend Harvey Levin that you would not be allowing Tron Guy, aka Jay Maynard, to wear his costume to see Tron: Legacy. We have just one question: Are you insane?
Tron Guy is a meme legacy, not unlike the title of your terrible new blockbuster. He is one of the original memes, and has been famous for almost a decade. Do you know how long a decade is in Internet time? He is like the Jeff Bridges of memes, and he has lived in your computer for centuries. Do you realize how much money in free marketing you’re missing out on should Jay decide to grace your dilapidated theater with your presence?? Here’s a quick hint: neither me or any of my friends have seen the original Tron (some of us didn’t even know there was an original Tron), but we all know about Tron guy.
As for your worry that people would be “distracted” by Jay’s costume, let us ask you this: would they really be distracted, or would they think that you guys had the best 3D theater in the country, because some of the action seemed so close they could actually touch/smell it? Tron Guy is not just a walking advertisement the moment he steps into your multiplex, he also sells the whole concept behind Tron: Legacy, thus ensuring repeat customers.
But mainly: shut up, movie theater. Jay was kind enough to call up and ask you in advance about his Tron costume, and you denied him over the phone. Did he get to talk to a manager? How old was this manager? Did he know he was talking to the Tron guy, or just a Tron guy? Did this query go up to the higher echelons of Regal Plaza or whatever, all the way to the main offices in Detroit? Because we think if this came across the desk of any high-ranking movie theater official, they would be able to see a great opportunity when it smacked them in the face.
Although maybe not, if they weren’t wearing their 3D glasses.