Lindsay Lohan In Rehab: No News Is Too Low For Our Care-O-Meter

If you were to tell me this time last year that 365 days in the future I wouldn’t be able to tell you if Lindsay Lohan was still in rehab or not, if she was stalking the paparazzi or the other way around, or even if her tox screens were coming up positive anymore, and I would have laughed at you right out of the girl’s bathroom.

But somehow over the course of the last several weeks, the unthinkable has occurred: Lindsay’s life has continued to be broadcast 24/7, and we stopped paying attention. Here’s the latest LiLo news that you may have missed because you had your own life to live. And here’s how much you should care, accordingly.

Lindsay Going Back to Rehab

Care-O-Meter: 5

If only because we were sure the judge was going to give her jail time after she ran over a kid’s stroller and failed yet another drug test right after being let out of her last facility. Come on: what does
Lindsay Loses Out Linda Lovelace Role

Care-O-Meter: 2

If she really wants to play Deepthroat, we’re sure she’ll release a sex tape.

Lindsay Wants A Restraining Order Against The Paparazzi

Care-O-Meter: 4

Only because at first we sort of agreed with her (the paparazzi suck, and they are constantly putting their feet under your car so you’ll run them over and they can sue you), but then she got a little crazier and started saying that one particular paparrazo was stalking her. Lindsay, that’s what they do.
Lindsay Lohan Gets Clean Drug Test

Care-O-Meter: 0

Call us when it goes off the charts again.

Lindsay Lohan Parties At Betty Ford, Gets Into Fight With Female Staffer

Care-O-Meter: 10

There’s our girl!

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