• Fri, Dec 10 2010

David Hasselhoff: Good For Eating Cheeseburgers And Hanging On My Wall

By now you have probably heard the sad/good news that David Hasselhoff‘s daughters’ guilt show The Hasselhoffs has been canceled by A&E after only two episodes. It  looks like The Hoff’s brand of campy self-deprecation doesn’t stack up with the viewers the same way rubbernecking shows like The Jersey Shore can manage.

Which is probably a good thing, since The Hasselhoffs was giving us visions of The End of Days. But it has got us thinking: Why don’t the millions of people who watched The Hoff drunkenly devour a cheeseburger want to see him in a reality show? Here’s a clue: sobriety doesn’t sell.

David Hasselhoff is his own franchise. And while his Baywatch fame may be waning, he’s managed to insert himself in the world’s consciousness through many weird and repeated outbursts. Self-mockery has never been beneath him, which has come in handy often.

But The Hasselhoffs on A&E brought in pretty terrible numbers. The first episode had only 718,000 viewers. And the second had only 505,000 viewers.

Which is weird, because people love watching The Hoff be a train-wreck. Videos of David Hasselhoff drunkenly eating a cheeseburger on YouTube have generated MILLIONS of page views.

This show however, tried to paint The Hoff as a dad trying to make good. His daughters have been dealing with his addictions for their entire life, and now The Hoff was trying to use his fame to help their careers. Sadly for his daughters’ Hollywood ambitions, watching The Hoff try to parent responsibly isn’t as appealing to viewers.

When David Hasselhoff got the axe from Dancing With The Stars this season after only one dance, viewers were surprised that such a “big star” would get booted from the show so soon. But it looks people would rather watch The Hoff fail than succeed.

And every time that notion makes us sad, we’re just going to remember what it was like to actually watch The Hasselhoffs. Ahh! So bad!

Alright, I’m back. If nothing else, there is one good thing that came from The Hasslehoffs. And that is this: the amazing calendar that A&E sent us to promote the show. On our wall right now, we’re looking at The Hoff shirtless with a surfboard in a Santa robe. And come May, we’ll have this to look forward to:

So hang in there, Hoff! Even if your show got canceled, you will live to judge another reality show contest. And if all else fails, there will always be space on our walls for your calendars.

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