• Mon, Nov 29 2010

‘Real Housewives Of Atlanta’ Foodcap: The Eyelashes Have Come Off

This week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, our lovely ladies were dealing with the big things in life. You know, marriage, divorce, virginity, birth and anal sex. Cynthia Bailey is marching forward with her tentative marriage plans, while NeNe Leakes is getting closer to her upcoming divorce. Meanwhile, Kim Zolciak is trying to prevent her daughter from giving up her V-card by buying her $3,000 diamond ring. And no, Kim did not pick up on the irony of the fact that her new song is titled “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing.” So shall we see what the ladies have been eating and doing this week?

Scene: Kandi Koated Nights at Kandi’s store Tags
Food: Wine. And lots of it.

Kandi’s internet show has moved up in the world. Now she’s filming at her clothing store. And bringing in well endowed strippers. What did we learn about sex? According to NeNe:

“Anal is disgusting.”

Good to know. Also Kandi’s stripper, aka Mr. Luscious, is pretty terrifyingly endowed from what we can tell. Take it away NeNe:

“It was humongous…. Girl I need therapy after that.”

Scene: Cynthia goes wedding shopping
Food: Wine.

Blah blah blah. Cynthia’s wedding is going to be expensive. And fabulous. If she ends up getting married. Model whine.

Scene: NeNe sees a divorce attorney
Food: Iced tea

NeNe’s been talking about her divorce all season. Though she doesn’t seem to remember that. According to her:

“I haven’t told anyone that I’m considering divorce.”

Just Bravo’s very discreet cameras. No one’s going to find out about this. One more time, for the bleachers:

“I want to find a way to move forward. And do it privately.”

Scene: Kim takes her daughter Brielle shopping for an abstinence ring
Food: Diamonds.

Kim may have gotten pregnant at 19, but she wants Brielle to wait to have sex. So she can meet her own Big Poppa and be the other woman as a single mom. Oh wait. Maybe Kim’s not the best example. Actually, trying to buy off Brielle with diamonds is probably the best way to keep her from having sex.

One abstinence ring: $3,000

The piece of mind of knowing that your daughter will hide he sexcapades from you for the next five years? Priceless.

Scene: Kandi’s studio
No food. It’s a studio.

Kandi’s still pissed that Kim hasn’t paid her for “Tardy For The Party.” Yes, we’re getting tired of this storyline too.

Scene: Phaedra comes home with her baby
Food: Phaedra’s breast milk

Phaedra spent an extra week in the hospital recovering. We’re not sure how she’s going to take to motherhood. Though she seems slightly more maternal than last week:

“Before this I was fancy free and foot loose. Running around town, shopping, doign whatever I wanted to do. And now I’m sort of chained to this baby. Hmn…..We’ll see how this turns out.”

Also, the baby is named “Ayden Adonnis Nighda… It was just perfect… the little fiery man. From two fiery people.”

Can these two fiery people also care for a baby? Unclear. Let’s watch and see!

Scene: NeNe visits Kim’s house
Food: White wine and cigarettes

NeNe mistakenly thinks Kim will have advice for her about her imminent divorce from Gregg. Instead, she starts talking about Big Poppa and herself. Surprise!

But actually, this was sort of interesting. According to Kim:

“I definitely would love to have more children… I think I’m ready to date other men. It’s time for me to get it together.”

Foreshadowing! Kim is currently pregnant by NFL star Kroy Biermann. In this episode, she lets everybody know about it. Because by this time, she must have started seeing Kroy. As she says:

“I want a normal relationship. I don’t want to sit here and call someone Big Poppa anymore.”

Wahwahwah… Sorry Big Poppa! You’re out. More from Kim:

“I don’t think love has a gender. So I don’t know what my future holds at this time.”

Well, we can tell you now, Kim. Little football babies!

Scene: Cynthia tastes food for her wedding
Food: Grilled watermelon, awesome cakes, steak, money.

Cynthia’s going to have good food at her wedding. Surprise. Next!

Scene: Kim’s parents’ house
Food: Two cakes  and “some damn wine” for Kim and her girls. “Better than sex cake” made by Kandi’s mom.

Kim pulls out her iPad and listens to Gregg on the radio, saying he spent $300,000 making NeNe a star. And now “I’m asking for every dime of it back.” Oops. That’s not good.

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  • Amanda Ernst

    These recaps make me want to watch this show. Bravo: take note!