I went to a party yesterday. Would you like to hear about it? I see no reason why you wouldn’t, because parties are awesome, unless they are lame. But this one was not lame because there was free beer and also tacos. Tacos, you guys, tacos.
Question: If 200 enthusiastic party-goers are each holding a glass tumbler full of Heineken, how long will it take for your super-chill vibe to be disrupted by the sound of shattering glass?
A: Approximately 2.5 minutes, unless the music is especially loud.
Crushable’s Barbie correspondent Tyler Coates and I went to the event together, and we got totally lost trying to find the thing. We ended up wandering aimlessly though the Samuel Gompers Housing Projects on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, which, if you’ve ever read Lush Life, you’ll know was a very smart idea. We finally found the event based mostly on the fact that it was surrounded by incredibly bright lights that not even my great-grandfather could have missed after a shot of morphine (we are dumb). We wandered in during Diplo‘s set. Meaning: hooray! Do you guys know that Diplo has a tattoo of a diplodocus on his forearm? A dino tattoo on his arm! That’s like the cutest thing ever in the history of the world. (Full disclosure: Diplo’s totally on the celebs-it’s-cool-for-me-to-sleep-with list I handed my boyfriend after our six-month anniversary. Actually that’s a lie — I don’t have a boyfriend, because I’m the type of person who makes lists of people I’d like to have sex with.)
But anyway, Diplo was rad and there were those tacos which Tyler and I totally ate two of apiece. After that we got pretzels! We are disgusting slobs! (Please, nobody tell Diplo.) You know what was even better than the pretzels, though? Cee-Lo Green and his all-female backup band clad in lacy white jumpsuits from American Apparel. He ended his set with “Fuck You,” and I was all like: um, isn’t this song supposed to have a ukelele? I thought it best not to mention anything though, because it’s pretty embarrassing to forget both your key instrument and your barbershop quartet.
Tyler and I left after Cee-Lo, mostly because there were no more pretzels. Pete Rock and Nas were going on later, but we had other parties to attend — parties where the beer was not free and the ukeleles were unfortunately more abundant. Sigh.