Now here’s a cause we can get behind: Jimmy Kimmel has declared that November 17 be National Facebook UnFriend Day, where you purge your account of all those people you never talk to in real life, but whose status updates clog your homepage and post annoying messages constantly on your wall. Look, he’s even got celebrities William Shatner and Kenny Powers Danny McBride in on the action!
And since we haven’t had a good purging in awhile, we thought of five “types” of people who definitely need to be defriended.
1. The High School Aqcuaitence Who Messages You About Their Band Playing: Dude, we don’t even live in the same state anymore, and evenin high school I wouldn’t see your shitty Less Than Jake cover band. The least you could do is have the courtesy to click the button to only spam people living in your vicinity, because I’m not flying 800 miles to see you guys. Every. Other. Week.
2. The Charity Case: “Donate money for every money I’m running in the marathon this month, it’s for a good cause!” You might find this person annoying but feel bad about deleting her, but it’s way less hurtful than telling her to her face that if she sends you one more wall posting, you’ll make sure she’ll never be able to run again, period. This goes the same for anybody who uses their friends newsfeed to consistently push their agenda to get you to press any button and “vote for them” in some stupid contest.
3. The Politics Junky: We don’t need another badge reminding us to vote, dudes. No one has ever, in the history of Facebook, ever said “Shit, I was going to vote but totally forgot. I WISH there had been 8 friends who put little flyers all over my Facebook page reminding me!”
4. Parents (not your own): Your relatives are off-limits for Facebook removal, no matter how annoying it is when they figure out the “chat” function. But friends of your parents, your middle school’s best friend’s mom, and anyone who posts on your wall lengthy, meandering comments that are basically updates on their lives needs to go.
5. Relationship Braggarts: Check out Jessica’s Ogilvie‘s awesome piece in The Gloss about the Do’s and Don’ts of posting about your wedding on Facebook. If you have a friend who is doing any sort of daily “countdown” to the big day, unfriend them. Um, well, maybe wait until you go to their wedding first, unless you weren’t invited, in which case a strongly-worded email about the callousness of rubbing your domestic happiness in people’s faces may be appropriate. This also applies to people who send their S.O.’s wall postings constantly: You guys are dating, right? Say it to them IN PERSON.