Text messaging is often the fastest way to communicate with friends and acquaintances, but it’s not always the best one. Especially when it comes to texting with guys. Here at Crushable we aim to help you sift through all the subtext and emerge relatively unscathed – with a little help from our friend Amanda Ernst.
This weekend I was sitting around having drinks with a friend, lamenting over the fact that two guys had recently called me “disappointing.” In text messages. Because I refused to rush over to their apartments at 2 a.m. and have sex with them. My friend shook his head, possibly embarrassed for his fellow men. “They should know better,” he said. “Respect will get you laid.”
In five words, he perfectly summed out how I felt about late night texting and these guys’ (possibly inadvertent) attempt to shame me into giving in to them. In the past it may have worked. But I’m on to them now, and I’m putting my foot down. Give me respect or forget it.
A while ago I decided to stop responding to late night texts I received after I was already home and in bed. But, like many of you, I’m still guilty of responding to guys when I’m out at night. I’ve learned that nothing a guy can text me after 2 a.m. will convince me to go to his place late at night. Women need flirting, romance and, overall, respect. So stop assuming that a text message will get us in a cab headed in your direction and start working on establishing a relationship. Yes, I know the “r” word is very scary, but no one’s asking you to be their boyfriend.
Here’s what I mean by “relationship”: an understanding of mutual interest, trust and respect. You know, all the things you need to make that late night sex really, really good. Sure, you can have a sloppy, drunken one night stand any time you want, but if that was what you were after, you would be chatting up the 21-year-old girl at the bar instead of texting me. If you want more, you need to put in a little more effort. Ask the object of your late night affection out for drinks during the week or earlier in the night, or invite her to meet up with you and your friends on a Saturday night. If you’re already hanging out, the chances of going home together increase exponentially. And don’t forget to text, IM, call or in other ways talk to the girl you’re trying to bed outside of the context of the late night hook up. You need to make her feel wanted, and not just like another semi-anonymous lay. Yes, there is a time and place for that, but that’s what the girl at the bar is for.
Do you agree with my feelings? Leave your own text messaging stories in the comments below and you might see them featured in an upcoming installment of Textual Healing.