Today Tomorrow, shirtless 12-pack ab-god and naked bongo-player Matthew McConaughey celebrates 41 years of breezing through life without having to work very hard at anything. Congratulations! With titles like Failure to Launch, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and that one that was basically a sequel to How to Lose a Guy but was on a beach and everything was gold-covered, you, Matthew McCongaughey, have managed to make millions off of your Southern charm, nonthreatening chill vibe, and your stomach muscles.
But since it’s your birthday, we’re not here to make fun. Instead, we salute the 5 best roles of Matthew McConaughey. And yes, they all include him wearing a shirt!
1. Dazed and Confused: David Wooderson
His first role was in the Richard Linklater‘s coming-of-age stoner flick, where Matthew played the archetypal sleazeball who hangs around high-schoolers because the thing about freshman girls is…well, you know the rest. This was before Matthew was considered the King of Abs, btw, so he’s just legit creepy.
2. Contact: Palmer Joss
This was before Matthew got into rom-coms, when his Southern accent and boyish charm could melt even Jodie Foster’s panties. Cracker Jacks!
3. King of the Hill: Rad Thibodeaux
You know, it somehow helped not seeing Matthew’s face or sans shirt, so we’re putting his cartoon cameo on King of the Hill on this list. Too bad we couldn’t find a clip, but here’s some sample dialogue. Just say it in his weirdly nasal Southern twange in your head for full effect.
Rad: You’re welcome. The name’s Rad Thibodeaux. (pronounces it “Thi-ba-day-oxs”) Here’s my card, you know, so you know I’m for real.
Luanne: “Radical concepts.” That sounds exciting!
Rad: Well, only if you think the fast-paced celebrity-filled life of a concert promoter is exciting.
4. Tropic Thunder: Rick Peck
In a move away from his blond, bland leading man roles opposite Kate Hudson, Matthew shook up expectations by playing Ben Stiller‘s slick but well-meaning agent in Tropic Thunder. All he wants is to get his client a TiVo!
5. Eastbound and Down: Texas Scout
In literally his best role to date, Matthew McConaughey made the world a better place with his surprise cameo as a gay baseball scout who tells Kenny Powers to “suck his dream’s cock.” (NSFW language, so put up the earphones!)