Phaedra Parks is my favorite housewife. I’m sorry. It’s really no contest. As if it wasn’t already clear who wears the pants in her relationship, this week she made her husband Apollo eat pickles out of her mouth on national television.
If he wasn’t already an ex-convict, he might go postal on this woman. But knowing Phaedra, she used her lawyering skills to write a clause into the marital contract that will shave a year off his life for every rude look he sends in her direction. Fun times!
Let’s see what the other women were doing (and eating) this week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Scene: Kandi Burruss has a radio show called Kandi Koated Nights. There is no food eaten while taping. However! There is discussion of beef curtains. Next best thing?
Scene: NeNe Leakes goes to the doctor to check up her post-op to get some important questions answered:
“Can I drink some wine? I need some wine, really bad.”
And so she goes to Cynthia Bailey’s house to drink some champagne and complain about her husband Greg, which is her favorite topic this season.
Scene: Phaedra Parks gets photographed eating pickles.
This woman. Is. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. If you’re going to be pregnant, and you’re the type of person who takes photographs of yourself super pregnant, why not also be eating while you do it?
“Take pop rocks, put them in your mouth.”
the other housewives are strugglign to keep up really. Phaedra doesn’t even know when her baby is supposed to be born.
Scene: Sheree goes to Tiy-E’s house for dinner.
The Love Doctor is making dinner for Sheree. There was pasta, salad, cookies, and wine. But he made Sheree cut some strawberries. That was a bad idea. He might not get another date. Then again:
“His body was ok. He didn’t have a belly. And that’s good. Because I’m not doing bellies anymore.”
Scene: NeNe and Cynthia go shopping for bras.
The ladies went to a fancy bra shop and pranced around in their underwear. But mostly it gave NeNe an excuse to let us know:
“I don’t like wearing bras. Because I paid money for my titties to stand up.”
Scene: Cynthia’s Mother’s Day lunch is NC-17
The ladies went to Cynthia’s to celebrate being mothers. And ate lots of fried food, fish, lemonade, and likely lots of alcohol. Because they started sharing sex tips.
According to Kandi, this is a good one:
“Put Pop Rocks in your mouth. Put em in your mouth, let em really moisten up. And then you ‘mwah mwah’ wit your man.”
Oh, but it doesn’t stop there.
“You wet your fingers, and you stick it in the sugar. And you put the sugar in your vajajay. And it makes the vajajay sticky.”
Phaedra prefers powdered sugar for this trick.
Somehow, amid all this, NeNe is the voice of reason:
“Listen. I’m never gonna put Koolaid, candied yams, peppermint candy, pancake syrup, none of those things in my vajajay. That’s CRAZY.”
See you here next week, when we get even more insight into NeNe’s terrible marriage. That’ll be fun. Apparently, NeNe thinks of herself as a landing strip in bed. (Which might be the source of her issues with Gregg.) But we’ll have to wait and see!