• Thu, Oct 14 2010

Am I Right Ladies: Five WTF Celebrity Endorsements

Every week, Gail K. skewers advertising aimed at women with her quick wit, acidic tongue, and love for butter-products. This week: 5 celebrity endorsements from celebs that should go back to working instead of shilling.

Justin Bieber Wants to Nail You
Now that I have your attention ladies, let me level with you. Bieber Fever? I get it, but I don’t like it. If it’s not legal for Gail to touch, then it’s no fun for Gail to even look. Now he’s expanding his media empire beyond CSI appearances by launching a line of …NAIL POLISH?

J-Face, it’s one thing pandering to unrealistic female fantasies for record sales, but to shill affirmation in a bottle in the name of all things Bieb? My God, Man-Boy, you are a whore for your audience! Putting your brand all over my fingers would suffice as a cougar tease, but you go and name the collection One Less Lonely Girl. You put one of your hits where it hurts me the most, JB, a dark, dark place. A dark place that wants to buy into colors like Prized Possession Purple or OMB! More like OMG (as in Oh My GAIL)! Do you want me to put this stuff on my nails or ingest it? That’s a surefire way to guarantee one less lonely girl in the world. Suicide.

J-Face, it’s one thing pandering to unrealistic female fantasies for record sales, but to shill affirmation in a bottle in the name of all things Bieb? My God, Man-Boy, you are a whore for your audience! Putting your brand all over my fingers would suffice as a cougar tease, but you go and name the collection One Less Lonely Girl. You put one of your hits where it hurts me the most, JB, a dark, dark place. A dark place that wants to buy into colors like Prized Possession Purple or OMB! More like OMG (as in Oh My GAIL)! Do you want me to put this stuff on my nails or ingest it? That’s a surefire way to guarantee one less lonely girl in the world. Suicide.

To Every Tub, Turn Turn Turn

What the Just Jack is Karen Walker doing hawking fake butter? Well, for starters, being totally fabulous. I remember saying aloud to no one once that I couldn’t love Megan Mullally more. Whoops, I made me accountable to me for lying, because it was love all over again when I saw this commercial while on a Hulu binge. Sure, I picture my face on that body sashaying across the grocery store with a hunky clerk. I’ve been forced to live vicariously after being banned from Stop and Shop for dancing suggestively with raw burger meat through the aisles. Point is, Megan Mullally owns this I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter commercial so hard that I almost forget the days of Fabio’s broken English and oiled pectorals. Almost.

Megan Mullally: You get my “You GO GAIL” of the week.

Claire Danes for Latisse. Yes, Really.

Finally a commercial that answers the burning question: whatever happened to Angela Chase? Well, she lost the flannel, ditched Catalano, dropped 30 pounds, went blonde and systematically destroyed everything that made her a relatable fake real person. Now this creature goes by the name Claire Danes and doesn’t even have the eyelashes to show for it. Girls, I don’t mean to be cruel, we all have low points and should support our gal-pals when life takes a sharp turn off a cliff head-first into a ravine, hitting every jagged edge on the way down. My rock-bottom involved having my sweat pants surgically removed after they attached to a few modest bed sores and dried rivulets of Haagen Daaz that presumably dribbled from my mouth down to my legs. We’ve all been there. So before you say What The F is Claire Danes doing selling prescription eyelash enhancers, think about your bad year(s), and then have that third glass of Franzia cause Gailfriends, you’ve earned it!

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  • LuckyStar627

    why is Justin Bieber advertising for nail polish?? can’t they use Miranda Cosgrove or Selena Gomez? they are much more suited for it…no disrespect Justin but i don’t think you will be taken seriously if you’re posing with nail polish