Text messaging might be the easiest and most convenient way to send a note to your friends, but when it comes to communicating with a guy, it can be anything but simple. Whether his messages are short and sweet or lengthy and in-depth, you’re usually left wondering: what is he really trying to say? And even worse, how do I respond? Here at Crushable we want to help you sift through all the subtext and emerge, textually healed.
I’m not one to throw around the s word — “stalker” — but getting repeated unwanted attention from someone, be it through phone calls, or emails or showing up at your house, can easily make a girl feel nervous. So when a friend asked me how she should handle a “text stalker,” I got to thinking — what could you possibly do if your cell phone kept getting barraged with unwanted messages, besides giving in and changing your phone number?
My friend assured me that the guy who she was getting endless messages from was a guy from high school she had randomly run into a few months back. Mistake number one: giving him her number. But, it happens to the best of us. Then, when he relentlessly texted her in an effort to catch up and hang out, she just ignored him. Most guys would just get the hint and move along, but some men need a clear signal that it’s not going to happen.
This so-called stalker’s latest message asked my friend if they could be friends, “like the email equivalent of pen pals.” Aw, it sounds like this guy is kind of lonely. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really make him the most attractive prospect for a lady. Especially when the object of his affection hasn’t returned a single text he’s sent. Clearly, she’s not interested in being pen pals, and his texts are just annoying and stalky.
My first advice: tell him you’re not interested. Normally, I don’t advocate lying, but in this case, the white lie of, “I’m seeing someone and I don’t feel comfortable being friends with you right now,” is a good out. No matter how you want to approach it, when a guy won’t leave you alone, you need to tell him in so many words that you’re not interested.
Now, I’m not sure how my friend’s text messenger will react to her rejection. Hopefully, he’ll accept it and move on. But anyone who is prone to stalker-like behavior is definitely volatile enough to react in any number of ways — from getting angry to just continuing to text her incessantly. In that case, she might be better off changing her phone number, and being grateful he doesn’t know where she lives.
Have you ever had an experience with a “text stalker”? How did you handle it? Leave your experiences in the comments below, or send them to submissions AT crushable dot com and you might see them featured in an upcoming installment of Textual Healing.