Last night was the highly-anticipated Britney Spears episode of Glee, and although queen Brit-Brit’s actual screen-time was way shorter than we were expecting, the episode had all the elements that makes this show more of a guilty pleasure than Michael Bolton. John Stamos? Check. Amazing speech by Jane Lynch about Ladybird Johnson‘s tramp-stamp? Check. A Lea Michelle solo at the end that had nothing to do with the rest of the episode? Er…check.
But in the world of the all-losing team of New Directions, not all losers were created equal. Here were the three winners and three losers of last night’s episode. First and last prize is a slushee to the face, obviously.
First Place: Brittany. No d’uh. This episode was even named Britney/Brittany. Ryan Murphy has obviously been listening to the Internet/common sense. He gave Heather Morris her own starring episode this week. She’s the crowd-favorite: the funny, blonde anti-Rachel Berry, whose non-sequitors compete with Sue Sylvestor’s insults about Matthew Morrison’s hair for the best part of any episode. After taking liberal doses of anesthesia provided by John Stamos’ toothy dentist, Britney also voiced what we’ve long thought true: She is better than the rest of the club. And next week she’s doing Ke$ha.
2nd Place. Santana: Usually regulated to being the new mean girl out to topple Quinn, it was good to see some role reversal, with Heather leading Naya River’s Santana in an amazing rendition of the Britney Spears/Madonna duo “Me Against the Music.” That’s right Santana, know your place: as the brunette backup for your BFF who spent her summer vacation lost in the sewers.
3rd Place. Mr. Shue: Bear with me here. Usually I’m as anti-Shooster as Sue Sylvestor, but this episode showed a different side of that curly mop-headed boy band reject. Shue has a tendency to become a one-dimensional plot device to move the episodes forward each week, so when he actually succumbs to his petty and not-so-pretty jealousies, shit gets kind of interesting. He yelled at Kurt! He (almost) bought a sports car (but ultimately didn’t…lets not get crazy here)! He put himself in the starring role of the high school homecoming performance just to impress Ms. Pillsbury who was like “Are you serious? I have John Stamos. GTFO.”
Kurt: Uh, hello? The gay character who spends the entire episode championing to sing Britney Spears at the game — even defying Mr. Shue to the point of being sent to the principal — doesn’t get one solo? Not even in Artie’s football-fantasy rendition of “Stronger?” Isn’t Kurt on the football team??
Mercedes: As with Brittany and Santana, Mercedes and Kurt always go hand-in-hand. When one is side-lined in an episode, you can be sure the other won’t even get a sentence in edgewise.
Mike and Tina: Duuude, you guys! We were so psyched to see another shirtless Mike episode, but the Asian twosome were totally overlooked in the face of Queen Brit. Apparently even in high-school fantasies, Britney Spears’ world is populated only with white girls.