Party Report: We Accidentally Talk to Jay-Z, Make Fun of His ‘Super-Sonic Dog Hearing’

Last night we were graciously invited to GQ’s party with Rocawear, Jay-Z’s clothing line. In attendance were such high-profile names as Drake, Adrian Grenier (who was there with The Wall Street Journal, because he is trying to be the next James Franco, or something), Kelly Rowland, Trey Songz, Melanie Fiona, Solange Knowles and Kanye West. We were told that Jay himself was expected to be arriving after dinner at the Boom Boom Room, but my boyfriend –er, photographer for the evening — told me not to get my hopes up.

“Jay-Z never comes to his own party,” he whispered conspiratorially.

So when I caught sight of Adrian in a checkered blue shirt going into a side room at Provocateurs, where the new Rocawear line was being introduced, I tagged along. As you may have gathered from Liana‘s party report and the John Mayer fiasco, my M.O. at parties is not to talk to celebrities, but just stand next to them for awhile.

The room was packed, and some guy was onstage, making an announcement about Rocawear’s fall line which he promised “wouldn’t be super baggy.” Losing sight of Adrian, I nudged the suit next to me and asked where he got the champagne flute (I was already holding my Hennessy and coke, but come on, it was a paaaarty!). “Someone just handed this to me,” he shrugged, “I’ll get you some.”

Two seconds later he pointed to a table where a fresh bottle of champagne had just been placed. “There you go.”

“Right, but there are no glasses,” I whined (I am not a good drunk.)

“Don’t worry, I hear them coming out with new glasses right now.”

Now, in my defense to what happened next, the room was very loud, and I am a pretty belligerent drunk and I’m really bad at recognizing famous people unless they are from True Blood or Lost.

“How can you hear champagne flutes coming out??” I asked, “How do you know it’s not the sound of this?” I sloshed the ice cubes in my drink together.

“Because I know what champagne glasses sounds like,” he laughed.

“Oh what, do you have like super sonic dog hearing? Seriously, there is no difference between this noise…” –again sloshing my drink around — “and this noise…” — clinking our two glasses together.

Two seconds later a guy appeared, presenting me with my own champagne flute. The suit looked pretty happy with himself.

“Fine, you’re right.” I conceded, while trying to extract myself from the conversation in order to run towards the high-end champagne, to double-fist like a baller.

Two seconds later my boyfriend came over, his face totally in shock as he shook the suit’s hand. “I’m a big fan, man, really.”
“This guy says he can hear champagne glasses!” I said, sticking my thumb at my new friend.
My boyfriend’s face was still frozen.
“I’m a musician, I have really good hearing,” the guy laughed.

I bolted towards the champagne and greedily poured a copious amount.
“Drew, DREW!” My boyfriend ran over and grabbed my arm. “Do you know who that is?”

“Some guy who got us champagne! Woo!”

Okay. Let’s try this: Do you know who has the second most #1 albums of all time?”

“No”

“Elvis. And do you know who has the most #1 albums, of all time, ever?”

“Uh…”

“The guy who you just said had ’super-sonic dog hearing.”

And that, bitches, is how I ended out my summer vacation. By berating Jay-Z. In my defense, I don’t know what any famous musicians look like, because I still basically only listen to musicals.

Photo via Getty

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    • Brian F.

      In your defense, I have no idea where your boyfriend got those figures about record sales. Jay-Z has sold fewer records than everyone from Shania Twain to UB40. I’m serious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_best-selling_music_artists

    • Larry M.

      OK Brian, Quit hating…Go listen to your Shania Twain & UB40 cd’s….LOL

    • ajt

      errr most number 1 albums not most records sold! I’m serious:

      http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8259787.stm

    • Cassie S.

      Drew, you are the greatest.

    • Steve

      It wasn’t about record sales it was about #1 albums. And Jay-Z is #1 and Elvis is #2 among solo artists.

      Great story…

    • derel lee

      those numbers you are speaking of are total sales, yes they sold more records but what he is referring to is, the first week your album drops it was number 1 on the charts for the sales in that particular week. he has done that more than any artist.

    • Jamie

      This is hilar-ballz. I love you, Drew.