An Open Letter To Rodger Berman (Husband Of Rachel Zoe)

Dear Rodger,

We worry you may not be familiar with such a formal salutation. Are you comfortable with the letter format or would it be easier if we just added you on BBM? Unfortunately (really, it is unfortunate), we doubt you’ll add us as a Blackberry Contact so we’ll just introduce ourselves by saying, “Babe! Babe! Babe, hi, baaaabe!”

First of all, literally, CONGRATS on your new position at I DIE Incorporated! We have no clue what you did in your previous place of employment, but we are certain it has made you highly qualified for your role as Lead Firer Of Employees Named Taylor Who Apparently Stole The Size 2 Samples From The PR Agency. Good for you, Rodg, for finally letting the thief go, but WTF, Bravo…you weren’t there to catch it on tape? We’re sure it was, draaaaamatic. And we would have liked to see that.

Anyway, once you got done with the Taylor disposing, it seems you were able to start getting comfortable working at Rach’s shop, doing things like “adding structure” and telling your wife she was being “too emotional.” But then we got confused. Do you work for Rachel or not? First, it’s like, “OMG it’s so fun working with you, baaaabe,” but then you were like, “You’re not my boss, you freak!” Like, you actually said that, and literally, it literally made no sense. Just because your haircut makes you look like Justin Bieber, it doesn’t mean you don’t work for your wife! Because you do.

But oh, enough of fashion, and on to the manlier things in life! When you lie in bed, draped in your Missoni-print bedspread, watching “football,” we just swoon. Really. And don’t even get us started on when you up the manly factor to be like, “Let’s figure out what were doing for dinner!” and Rachel’s like, “You’re always hungry!” A man needs to eat, Rachel! Especially such a manly one like you, Rodger

Literally, babe. Babe.

Love You.

G Simmons

She’d better not get a pet. If she does, I am sure the pet would be in the bed next do Zoe and under the Missoin print bedspread while “Babe” would probably be sleeping in a cot next to the bed under a Missoni-print bed spread.
Chloe

Oh Roger My Heart Goes Out To You 2,
I’m sitting alone at home and hoping your wife will wake up and knows she has the best right there at her side. I’ve been there I know, my ex of 10.5 yrs now realizes that it is not about the money. The best things in life are free!!!!!
I really hope she wakes up and can give the relatioship her time & effort that she puts into her career.
Hugs,
Rhonda
marie

Dear Rodger, your wife is a first class narcissist who loves her closet far more than she loves you. Get a clue … then get a divorce!
Morgan

Dear Rodger,

As insanely maniac about fashion as Rachel can be, you don’t deserve her. Your egoistical attitude totally shows through on The RZ Project. You complained Rachel of disrespecting you while filming her with her comedian double but you were the one who reacted unnecessarily violently and threw a pen at your wife. THAT was unacceptable, unless you deem slapping your wife publicly for a harmless joke she says. Or perhaps you just lack a sense of humor. Big time. You seemed so desperate to get exposure on the show regardless of the fact that it is titled the RACHEL ZOE project. The business, however you may think, is Hers. She is just too sweet and overly-tolerating of you to make you a namely boss. You are not all that you think you are. Seriously, you even mentioned that you might be the one to split from her, since she is so much more hard-working than you are. Fine, go see if you can find another wife to feed you cash and fame like Rachel has, go see if somebody would even be willing to do that at all, especially for someone like you. Rachel Zoe the great stylist should be the one to break up the relationship, but I see she loves you too much to do so. She deserves somebody who is at least 10 times more loving and chill than you are.
lucy

May every Jack has his Jill. Still Don’t have a date?
****Rich Flirtsc/o-m ****
You are guaranteed to find someone you like there.
Don’t forget to tell your friends!
Otto Chthon

From what we have seen of Roger, he is a sulky b….
If Rachel is so foolish as to be emotionally blackmailed into having a child, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Roger get a divorce and take the child, claiming that Rachel is an unfit mother. You never have a child to fix a marriage, it never works.

Rachel is dangerously thin. For her to get pregnant is very dangerous to her and the child. She knows that. IMHO Roger doesn’t care, he just wants a kid. I say adopt. Make sure Rachel is healthy, she is the one in danger not the sperm donor, Roger.
dd

Ha! Love this post.
Ashley

wow are you kidding me?
First of all, letter = painfully unfunny.
Secondly, Roger is a wonderful husband. What man would even stand to listen to half her annoying fashion talk! Seriously…it’s been 14 years with her!?!?!? wowzas. He has my utmost respect, team Roger.
jj

Roger Roger Roger, what a complete bitch you are. Each episode of Rachel’s show is made up of you complaining about everything, how long have you been married that you have yet to realize what Rachel does for a living? This is the typical husband attempting to rein in control over the more successful and powerful wife…Mr. Zoe you are a failure and need to realize you come second to Rachel. Once you accept the fact that your wife is more successful than you and therefore more important than you, you can begin to enjoy your marriage.