• Tue, Jul 20 2010

Take It From A Lifetime Fan, ‘The Client List’ Is So Bad It’s Good

Jennifer Love HewittAs a longtime fan of Lifetime movies, I have a few things that must be in every good movie: a woman who must overcome great difficulty, hilarious puns, memorable quotes, bad accents, an overbearing mother and — if I’m lucky — throwing up. The Client List, which premiered last night on Lifetime, had it all. And it had me riveted, although I sometimes felt a little guilty about it. But what’s a good Lifetime movie if not a guilty pleasure?

The Client List stars Jennifer Love Hewitt as a beautiful mom of three whose family falls on hard times after she and her former football star husband lose their jobs and are about to lose their house. J Love’s Sam, a licensed massage therapist with a twangy Texas drawl, takes a job at what she thinks is a massage parlor, but it ends up being the type of place where the therapists give their clients much more. At first, Sam is horrified by the prospect of having sex for money, she even threw up on the side of the road after her first client (see what I mean?), but eventually the draw of the money is too much, and she starts working long hours, baking cookies for her favorite clients and receiving lavish gifts.

But, since this is Lifetime, things don’t stay happy for long. Sam has problems balancing her hefty workload and physically draining job with her home life. She takes on a cocaine habit to stay awake. And when the massage parlor gets busted, she nearly loses it all. Even after she decides to turn over her entire client list to the authorities, Sam still loses her family, friends and the respect of the community. Is there a happy ending? Maybe, maybe not — it’s Lifetime!

There were some parts of The Client List that were hard to watch, and some that were laughable although they probably weren’t supposed to be. I particularly loved the part where Sam screamed, “This is America. If a girl is this pretty, she’s not supposed to be poor!” and I’m looking into having T-shirts made with that quote on them ASAP, if someone hasn’t already beat me to it.

If you haven’t seen The Client List and you love Lifetime movies as much as me, I suggest you check it out. Seriously. I think it might make it into my list of favorites, up there with Kate’s Secret starring Meredith Baxter-Birney and Mom At Sixteen. What are some of your favorite Lifetime movies?

(Photo via Lifetime)

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