Many, many moons past there was a time when Jessica Simpson was a singer, or is that some odd dream fragment haunting our waking hours. No, no, she was definitely a singer, even had a double-platinum-selling album or two. There was that “Irresistible” song. But then Jess married Nick Lachey and wondered aloud if she was eating poultry
while munching on some Chicken of the Sea tuna fish, and, well, gosh. After that we collectively can recount in detail how she got divorced, got chunky, got skinny, then chunked up again. We know she dated some famous dudes and some famous douchebags—we know she’s sexual napalm courtesy of said douche. But did she make another album? Wasn’t she going to be in some movie—did that ever come out? She’s doing a show with her hairdresser friend, right?
Like some sitcom character audiences never see at the office though we’re told she’s an architect or ad exec, it’s almost as if Jessica’s life is the show and the career stuff is just off-screen exposition. “No one is running out to spend 12 bucks on her movies, people aren’t even watching them for free on TV,” image expert Michael Sands tells Crushable. “She’s not a serious actress or musician – not a Meryl Streep or even a Lindsay Lohan. She’s on the cover of the magazines this week because she’s dating another professional athlete.”
Indeed, the blonde bombshell, who celebrates the big 3-0 on Saturday, gets a lot of tabloid mileage this week from her new relationship with former NFL star Eric Johnson.
According to US Weekly’s cover, Jess is a dating a married man and pulling her usual chameleon act of changing to satisfy her guy (fine print noting that Eric and stylist wife Keri Johnson filed for divorce in January). If OK! sets your agenda, Jessica is madly in love with her new man and already sperm-inated with his baby (fine print that he’s still technically married). As for the baby thing, Crushable has proven that “patently ridiculous.”
As Life & Style Weekly spent some time throwing back margaritas with Jessica this past weekend, her curvier figure is probably more burrito than baby.
Michael Sands credits Simpson’s overbearing papa/manager Joe Simpson for keeping Jess in the public eye, despite her repeated flops at the box office and billboard charts. “Joe always makes sure she’s in the right place at the right time, always wiling to seize on a media opportunity,” he says, adding that unlike someone like Lindsay or Britney Spears, Jessica herself doesn’t “have an edge.” But LA-based psychologist Dr. Yvonne Thomas thinks that edgelessness – Jess has never gone to rehab or attacked an innocent car with a golf club – is the very reason America has remained enthralled by the singer’s life if not her projects.
“So many women struggle with their weight and their relationships and those are the two areas, where Jessica’s life hasn’t always been charmed,” says Dr. Yvonne. “It makes her more human, and because we’ve watched Jessica’s very public break-ups, we’re interested in how things work out for her—we’re almost protective of her.”
While Jess has yet to come out gushing about her new guy, in the past she’s been more forthcoming with the shmoopy details of her love life than a lot of stars – she rambled about her love for Tony Romo to Glamour Magazine in 2008, just liked she’s rambled about her love for John Mayer a year before. A fact that Dr. T says makes Jessica all the more
endearing and enduring in the public eye.
“She treats all of her relationships kind of like she’s a teenager falling in love for the first time – she puts her whole heart in their for each new guy,” Dr. Yvonne says. “We can sometimes see she’s going to get hurt, but she seems to believe in that fairytale romance so badly, it’s hard not to root for her.”
Tell us! Are you rooting for Jessica to re-launch her career, find love – or both? Or, none of the above?