• Fri, Jun 4 2010

‘Real Housewives’ Doll Recap: Money Can’t Buy You Class!

Is Ramona Singer the new Jill Zarin? Oh, how the tides have changed.

Ramona may be crazypants but she OWNS it. Despite two years of verbal diarrhea, Ramona has replaced Jill as the show’s Mother Hen, connector and liaison between the ladies. That much was clear when Who’s Who in the cast of Real Housewives Of New York City showed up to witness Ramona and husband Mario renew their vows after 17 years of marriage. Even Kelly Bensimon was there. She grimaced through her shark-like teeth — or was she smiling? Hard to tell.

Before the big ceremony, Jill tried to patch things up with Bethenny Frankel over lunch at Le Cirque. “What happened to us? I feel like we’re married and we’re separated,” she told her former BFF-turned-archnemesis. Bethenny’s response: “I found you to be disloyal in the last six months. It killed me. It’s like a divorce.” They cried and went home, their relationship status vague. Jill admitted she holds grudges, which is not good. Way to assume responsibility, Jill! Remember when she got kicked off the Virgin Islands and didn’t realize WHY? Baby steps …

Meanwhile, Countess LuAnn was busy making her debut as a prominent recording artist-slash-wannabe gay icon. She performed her future Grammy-winning original song “Money Can’t Buy You Class” at this one party, and people got really into it, dancing around while she sang-talked. Ramona, Bethenny and Alex McCord did not show up. Bitches. Who would miss this concert? Oh, and Countess’ new boyfriend was there — a Frenchman named Jacques. He’s way less of a creepy-creepo than Guppy Lips. “I wouldn’t have missed it for anything,” Jacques told Countess. Hot.

Kelly and Jill discussed the song’s lyrics:

“Money can’t buy you class,” Kelly explained.

“You have to learn elegance,” Jill added.

And finally, Ramona’s wedding day arrived. Her teen daughter Avery advised Ramona not to cry at the altar. “Just try to be strong for a minute a half. It’s not that difficult,” she said, while getting her hair done by THE Oscar Blandi.

Jill “dropped by” Ramona’s swank UES pad before the ceremony to wish her frenemy luck. Then Ramona saw Avery in her blue bridesmaid dress and got all emotional like mothers do. “I’m an older woman, and you are a young, gorgeous, beautiful woman,” she gushed. Avery smiled and then complained that she could not make her dramatic staircase entrance holding both the flowers and their dog Coco (who also wore blue for the special occasion).

Somehow the whole shebang came together — smoothly! — with Ramona making her grand entrance in a white gown and trying not to spill a Pinot Grigio. (Oh, she didn’t have a PG? Weird).

Alex overheard Jill remarking that the “the two teams” were divided, sitting across the aisle from each other! “Typical Jill,” said Alex. Maybe so, but a fair observation: On one side there was Jill, Countess and Kelly; on the other, sat Bethenny, Alex and Simon. We forget where Sonja Morgan and Jennifer Gilbert were seated! We were too focused on the surprisingly moving vows. Mario thanked Ramona for giving him “the most beautiful daughter,” and Ramona said she loved Mario more now than the day she married him.

Misty eyes! The Singers got a standing O. At the party, everyone made an effort to be nice — Bethenny thanked Alex and Ramona for being a friend during the tough times, when Jill had iced her out. Bethenny had a good, honest conversation with Jill but told her she has “a lot of changing to do.” Alex tried to have a heart-to-heart with Jill but Jill was not having any of it. “I can’t,” she explained, making her exit.

She knew she had a lot more changing to do.

Crushable’s Real Housewives dolls re-enact the finale’s most memorable scenes below. Some creative liberties were taken. Check out their gallery! Next week: The big reunion (shit)show. Be warned.

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  • maddyr

    Will Jill and Bethenny EVER get closure!! It’s too late to mend fences — the two of them are toxic together!

  • Sharan

    Jill didn’t visit Ramona’s house. She came to the hotel room where Ramona was getting ready.