• Fri, May 21 2010

Lines That Won’t Get You Laid: “I Have A Girlfriend, But It’s Cool”

Maybe it goes along with my “trouble” persona, but there seems to be an inordinate amount of men in this city that think that honesty is the best policy when picking up chicks…specifically when it comes to the fact that they are currently in a relationship. Which, while I appreciate your candor, is a total turn-off. I don’t care if it’s an open relationship or you’re just drunk off your ass and “have never done this type of thing before.” Picking up chicks while your girlfriend (or worse, fiancee/wife) isn’t there to beat your ass into next century doesn’t scream “excitement” or “dangerous” to us, it screams “Douchebag!”

And maybe this is a controversial stance to take, but dude, if you have someone in your life that you’re seriously romantically involved with and you’re trying to pick me up for a one-nighter, I don’t want to know. Because if you never say, then the responsibility is all on you. You’re entirely accountable (and culpable) for what happens. But if we kiss and then you happen to mention your significant other, guess what? Now I’m complicit in your player ways.

Now I’m not claiming to be a good girl, but I don’t actively try to ruin other people’s relationships. What would be the point? Best case scenario: You break up with her and end up with me? And then spend your nights hitting on other chicks? Sweet, good deal. So again, thanks for the honesty, but even if you’re in an open relationship where your GF is “cool” with you hooking up with other chicks (like that guy my senior year whose girlfriend kept inviting me over for dinner so she could “get to know me…” which I interpreted as “creepy threesome time“), the only thing going on in my head is how unavailable – and most likely herpes-riddled – you actually are.

Look: I’m as big of a horndog as most guys out there, but that’s why I’m not in a relationship. If you can’t keep it in your pants, stay single. Don’t go around thinking that being upfront about being a cheater will get you laid, because even if it does, all three parties involved are going to end up feeling shitty about themselves eventually.

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