‘Real Housewives’ Doll Recap: ‘You Are A MEAN GIRL And You Are In High School!!!’

Welcome to Real Housewives of New York City, where grown housewives act like they’re in high school and I love it! Last night’s episode was a nail-biter: I was on the edge of my couch, hanging on every second of the the showdown between Jill Zarin and Alex McCord. Two women — one bitter, one vengeful — making Ramona Singer seem like the sanest person in the room!

Jill vowed never to forgive Alex for sending a mean message courtesy of former BFF-turned-foe  Bethenny Frankel, who wanted nothing more to do with Jill and her petty ways. Alex used Bethenny as an excuse to cuss Jill out in front of the other ‘Wives; finally she grew spine after years of tolerating Jill’s undermining remarks about her Brooklyn home, husband Simon and their misbehaving kids.

Anyway, so Jill and Alex crossed paths again at a Housewife house party that was obviously a trap by shrewd producers to create dramz (it doesn’t take much though!). Overcome by the sight of the lanky, weird Alex, Jill sobbed to Kelly Bensimon about how she hated Alex and wished she could be friends with Bethenny again since she is pregnant and Jill worried about her health and unborn child. So Jill’s husband Bobby — usually the silent, passive type — took it upon himself to approach Alex and request she talk to Jill to smooth things over. Alex tried — but Jill zipped her mouth shut and walked out of the house, calling her motley entourage of Bobby, Kelly and Countess LuAnn de Lesseps.

Alex and Jill ran into each other again at yet ANOTHER event crazeee Kelly was hosting. Countess was there with her bizarre new boytoy, who is very tan and smarmy with longish blonde hair (in fact, he looked like one of Patti Stanger’s dorky millionaires). Kelly stood on a banquette and mumbled some gibberish. Jill was fake-nice to Alex, and Alex was not having it. She ran off, saying, “I AM done!” Everyone laughed, and bowed down to Queen Bee Jill.

Meanwhile, Bethenny’s estranged father was dying and there was a sad scene of her and fiance Jason on their way to Los Angeles so she could see him one last time. Before hopping on the plane, she called Ramona, who had also reconnected with her dad before his recent death. Ramona told her to be strong and “think positive thoughts.”

Bethenny’s father died shortly after, and Ramona updated Jill during a party at new cast member Jennifer Gilbert’s luxurious Tribeca apartment. And Jill — never the last one to know ever! — freaked out and LOCKED HERSELF IN JENNIFER’S PANTRY! Hilarious! Crazy! Something I did in 7th grade!

Kelly went in there with her, and coaxed Jill out of the closet. Jill was furious at Ramona for not telling her at Bethenny’s dad, causing Ramona to crackily point out that Jill was the one who cut Bethenny out of her life first.

Then Alex arrived ready for action. She approached Jill like a sly jungle panther with one mission and one mission only: To take down Jill Zarin, and take her down good. That she did, hounding her for texting her that day to try and get gossip about Bethenny’s loss. Her eyes narrowed, and she barked:

“YOU ARE A MEAN GIRL, AND YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND WHILE YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL, I AM IN BROOKLYN, TRYING TO SURVIVE IN THIS ECONOMY. WORKING.”

Jill stood there, not reacting all that much while Alex accused her of being a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She said she didn’t care what Alex thought and that, OK, maybe they “shouldn’t be in the same circle of friends.” Alex agreed, saying, “Cheers. End Of the gossip.”

Then she walked out, leaving Jill to fester in her guilt, delusion and social desperation.

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