Today was not Justin Bieber’s lucky day: The boy wonder threw a wimpy pitch at a White Sox game, and he doesn’t know what “Germany” is. Give The Biebs a break! He’s 16! He has TWO MORE YEARS to do much worse things — or make up for it with a Grammy or two, whatevs.
Here are Crushable’s predictions for the 18 defining moments he’ll have before his 18th birthday. Besides learning where Germany is, Bieber will:
- Open a nightclub.
- Shun Miley Cyrus.
- Shag Selena Gomez.
- Shave his head.
- Have a fling with Barbara Walters.
- Host Saturday Night Live.
- Go to rehab for “exhaustion.”
- Land a bit part in a Garry Marshall rom-com.
- Collab with the other Justin (Timberlake) and then smoke a joint.
- Quit his label because music executives won’t understand what he’s “trying to do.”
- Start his own label to discover The Next Justin Bieber.
- Trash a hotel room.
- Endorse Axe deodorant body spray.
- Bring his mom to the Oscars.
- Show up in the tabloids as “romantically linked” to Noah Cyrus after saying hi to her backstage at one of his concerts. He will strongly dispute a romance.
- Spend a long night at big bro/BFF John Mayer’s bachelor pad Twittering, talking music and bitching about TMZ.
- Get pulled over in Los Angeles for attempting to race his swagger coach.
- Make 500 million dollars.
All of these will happen, now that we’ve typed them on this site. Did we leave anything out? Please let us know in the comments!