A month ago, when the whole Sandra Bullock-Jesse James cheating scandal erupted, we asked celebrity therapist Dr. Gilda Carle to offer some advice to Sandra, about moving on, dealing with Jesse’s infidelity and healing. But since Sandra revealed this week that she adopted a baby, Louis, shortly before her split from Jesse, we thought we would revisit some of Dr. Gilda’s advice. How does this new information change her advice for Sandra?
“All those things that I recommended earlier, I continue to recommend for Sandra,” Dr. Gilda told Crushable. “Get some assistance. Get therapy. And find out what happened and what went wrong so she doesn’t repeat it again in her next love affair.”
Read on for more advice from Dr. Gilda to Sandra.
Given what we now know about Sandra Bullock — that she was taking care of this little baby while she was going through this breakup with Jesse — would you change any of the original advice you offered her last month?
I still believe she has to look at what happened, look at herself and see a therapist. With a new baby, she’s not going to have a lot of time to think about the breakup, but she’s going to have to force herself to, because she cannot substitute a baby’s love for the love of a man. And if she ends up showering the baby with all the love she can possibly give a human being, the baby can grow up feeling very under pressure and you don’t want to pressure a child into thinking that you are totally dependent upon him as a source of love. That could become very dangerous in terms of loving a child too much and showering a child too much with too much love, too much giving, too much of everything. You will not allow the child to grow independent, which is what you’re supposed to be doing as a parent. You give a child roots and wings, and eventually that child has to learn to stand on his own.
Do you see this happening a lot — a woman going through a breakup focusing her love on her children?
Absolutely, we see it all the time. And that’s when you have children who are too tied to their parents’ apron strings and they cannot adjust to being independent individuals. It’s very difficult for them.
Why is it important for Sandra to examine what went wrong with Jesse?
It’s important so that she does not repeat the same things again in her next love affair. I would hate to think that this is the end of her love life. She is a beautiful, talented women who has everything to live for and everything to love for. I would love to see her establish herself with another man, but a man who she won’t repeat the same problems with. Your mantra ought to be: may my next mistakes be new mistakes.
So she should move on with her love life. Should she also try to move on with her career?
Yes. Just because you have a child, that doesn’t mean that you take yourself out of the workforce. She should definitely go back to work and take on roles that she loves and that she wants and make herself feel as though she is a productive member of the workforce and of society. That is extremely important. She cannot devote herself to this little boy.
Sandra has also mentioned that, although she’s raising Louis as a single mother, she wants to co-parent Jesse’s three other children. Do you think that’s a good idea?
I think for the children it is a good idea. For how she will feel towards Jesse James right now, we’ll have to wait and see. She shouldn’t do it before she is absolutely, positively convinced that she is ready. Because it’s still an open wound and I don’t like anybody putting salt in a wound that they have.
Sandra has said that she didn’t know anything about Jesse’s infidelities, but you said earlier you thought she did. Do you still believe that?
As I have always said, every woman knows something is going on and something is not right. Every woman knows that her man has been distance from her, is not there for her emotionally as much as she would want him to be. Now the fact that Sandra was traveling made it much easier for her to believe that he was just sitting around home and knitting? What did she think he was doing? It’s much easier when your mate is traveling to be able to get away with [cheating]. The distancing she would have picked up on if she had been aware.
Learn more about Dr. Gilda on her web site drgilda.com.