As you know, making anything on par with designer level quality takes time and dedication. Fortunately, the Gloss team is here to walk you through the 10 steps that go into making this masterful shirt by Balmain that would cost you $1,625 in stores.
1) Buy some scissors. Oh, you already have some? You must be a designer.
2) Buy this t-shirt.
3) Take the scissors and position them over the shirt, with the pointy ends pointing towards the shirt.The sharp ends! Don’t touch the sharp ends, you’ll hurt yourself (the price of the Balmain shirt is largely because of the medical bills from this very problem).
4) And slash! And stab! And cut! And slash again! Imagine the Prime Minister of Malaysia and hideously overpriced designer garments as you do it! Faster fashionista, kill, kill!
5) Stop. Take a breath. I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself with all the stabbing, sweetie.
6)Light a cigarette. If you don’t have one, don’t worry, you can borrow one from one of your degenerate friends.
7) Position the cigarette with firey end toward the shirt.
8 ) Don’t touch the firey end!
9) Apply it to the shirt a few times and watch it make little holes.
10) Well, you’re done, now. Maybe wash it before you put it on?
Just imagine how you’ll feel when you go out wearing it (other than drafty) and your friends see it. “It’s Balmain” you’ll say, knowingly, and your friends will stare at you as though you’re an idiot and say, “you paid $1,625 for that? Are you serious?” Special. That’s how you’ll feel. Special.