Crushable Confessional: Patti Stanger Is Causing A Rift In My Relationship

Here is my Crushable confession: I would like to be friends with Patti Stanger and that fact makes my life complicated. Why? Well, for one, Patti has no idea that I exist, but I view that as a small hurdle. The real issue is that my boyfriend cannot stand her. It’s the kind of dislike where I think he might try to reach through the LCD and do something he would regret.

And what brings on his complete and utter disgust? In his eyes, she is a vile, classless, awful human being who is nothing more than a high priced madam with no real matchmaking skills or credibility. And he HATES the fact that she is from the same area of New Jersey where he grew up (oddly this sentiment doesn’t seem to apply to the Jersey Shore kids). Just a mention of her name is enough to make him incensed and the sound of her voice (it’s like a dog whistle to him) will prompt him to come into the room and turn off the television without warning. He doesn’t understand how she can so thoroughly criticize others when he views her as being less than perfect.

But I love Patti. To me, she is a smart, independent woman who tells it like it is. If she was my friend she would always give me honest advice and she would back me up if I needed her.

But my boyfriend’s hate has really cut into my Millionaire Matchmaker viewing this season. Thank god for DVR because otherwise I would never get a chance to see my potential BFF. (Although I must admit that I could have delayed watching the Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis episode for the rest of my life. Patti, come on!).

What makes this so much worse is that I made an off-the-cuff remark a long time ago (during the first season) about how I would like her to be my friend. I didn’t know why I said it at the time, but it stuck in my boyfriend’s mind, and my need for Patti’s friendship was much more reprehensible than Patti herself.

Patti can be crude and very mean. I would never want her to judge me in the way that she judges the men and women on her show (But hey, I’m not a millionaire on the hunt and I am not actively looking to date one). So it does beg the question of why I would ever want her to befriend me. Especially since I have naturally curly hair and she rails on the women candidates about their curly hair, telling them to straighten it! Blow it out! She did offer an explanation for her straight-hair bias in an episode saying “I usually suggest women blow their hair out to be silky straight because the men request it.”

I guess I have to admit that I want Patti’s friendship because I am desperately seeking her approval. For no other reason other than I love Patti. If she becomes my friend, she would never treat me like the women on her show. She would love my curly hair, she would approve of my career moves and she would (if I was on the market) set me up with a sensitive, kind, and attractive millionaire.

–By Jennifer Atchison

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    • lanny

      Only one of the Jersey Shore cast members hails from the garden state – although it is a statewide shame that they should feel so at home here