Bad Romance: I Finally Have Something In Common With Peaches Geldof

[UPDATE: Peaches Geldof has tragically died at age twenty-five. Details still unfolding.]

Three weeks ago, I went out on a date with a guy I barely knew. He used to live with one of my college friends post-graduation in a giant loft in Williamsburg with two Puggles, and even though he had a girlfriend, my college friend would constantly whisper to me “Ben really really likes you.” That was in 2006, and up until a month ago, I hadn’t heard from this guy again. Three weeks ago, we were going to Hasidic Purim parties and he was buying me live birds before our second date. And today, naked pictures of him with celebutante Peaches Geldof appeared all over the Internet. Why can’t I ever go for the normal dudes?

It didn’t surprise me that these pictures existed, because I’ve seen them before. I’d heard the whole tale of his debaucherous night with Peaches (which included heroin, nudity, and Scientology, not necessarily in that order) on our first date. This would also be the date where he pulled out his junk during the Purim party because he wanted to show off his dick tattoo. You know, probably a good warning sign right there, which I immediately told my friends about:

me: i went to a purim party last night in the hasid district and my date whipped out his dick at this orthodox get-together because his name is ben and his dick said big ben.
Smash: tattoo?
me: no, his dick yelled it. yes, it was a tattoo. Also at some point someone brought out a live dove.
Smash: do you only date carnies and bloggers?
me: no i think there are some comedy dudes in there. ANYWAY: he also said he did heroin and coke with peaches geldoff in LA and they woke up in scientology center. i think this dude was my soulmate.

But this dude didn’t seem like the type to post the pics to the Internet: In fact, over the three dates we went on, he would constantly tease me about the fact that all his friends were worried that I was a blogger and that I would write all their (totally boring, inconsequential) secrets. Ben wasn’t (isn’t?) a fame-whore which makes his posting of the pics on Reddit all the more surprising. I was surprised that more people didn’t care when I originally wrote about this dude and his brush with the British heiress. Then again, I didn’t have the pictures.

Share This Post:
    • Erin Carlson

      This story is priceless — guy takes out his tattooed dick at an orthodox party, and there is a live dove. The photos are just the icing on the cake.

    • mikemcg

      I’m sure if you think Ben isn’t a fame whore, he still isn’t. I signed up to offer some insight as to why Ben would have posted those pictures.

      On Reddit, we see a lot of fantastic and amazing stories. We’re so diverse and well traveled as a whole that these things happen. Unfortunately, some people like to make up amazing anecdotes simply as a way to garner more comment karma (a point system used on Reddit) or to practice their creative writing skills by writing the most realistic-yet-amazing story they can. Over time we’ve become more and more jaded. Grandois stories are nice, even if they’re made up, but not when they’re presented as fact. A real amazing story is infinitely better than a fake amazing story. Anyways. So we’ve become jaded and we’ve taken up the habit of demanding proof. Ben realizes this and, to prove to his fellow Redditors that he’s sincere, he provides tits and does not GTFO.

      In short: He did it as a way of maintaining him and his story’s integrity. He shared the story because it’s a pretty fucking great story and the topic that it was in was all about one night stand stories.

      P.S. A+ for the AD reference. BUT WHERE DID THE P.S. COME FROM?

    • Pingback: Jon Bon Jovi’s Daughter Stephanie Bongiovi Arrested After Alleged Heroin Overdose At College | Celebrity Fetish()

    • Rusty Elbows

      Why can’t I ever go for the normal dudes?

      You are consciously or subconsciously choosing douchebags because you secretly love the level of absurdity they bring to your life.
      The tale-tell signs are glaringly all over that dude that this is who he is.