• Tue, Mar 23 2010

Textual Healing: Are Phone Calls Required?

textingText messaging might be the easiest and most convenient way to send a note to your friends, but when it comes to communicating with a guy, it can be anything but simple. Whether his messages are short and sweet or lengthy and in-depth, you’re usually left wondering: what is he really trying to say? And even worse, how do I respond? Here at Crushable we want to help you sift through all the subtext and emerge, textually healed.

Recently I asked my single best friend: had she gotten any interesting texts from guys? “I just got one today that was uninteresting, but I ignored it,” she told me via IM. “And my friend told me boys need to learn to call you if they like you and not just text. So it’s cool that I don’t respond. I mean, I don’t like him either.”

I have previously discussed the fact that guys frequently use text messaging to ask us out in addition to just “booty texting” us late at night. And since I use text messaging — and IM as you can tell — to communicate with just about everyone except my parents, I feel its unfair and even hypocritical to try to train a guy to call me instead. Why require someone to call me when I don’t ever really talk to anyone on the phone? What if I don’t want to endure one of those awkward pre-date phone calls?

I also felt gagged by the thought of having to teach a guy to do something, or break them of some bad habit. What is dating rule number one? You can’t change people. If someone likes text messaging over phone calls, that’s just who they are. Either accept it or move on. If you like talking to guys on the phone, I’m sure there are plenty of them out there. Don’t play games and coax someone into calling you in order to reach you. I mean, maybe you should just go read The Rules.

Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the odd phone conversation I have with men. But when you’re first dating someone, I think phone calls should be utilitarian, flirty and short. Make plans and move on; save the good stuff for your first few dates. What’s worse than running out of things to say in person because you’ve already talked for hours on the phone?

But who am I to say? As I ranted on about how talking on the phone is not necessary to date successfully, at least at the beginning, my friend received a call from a guy she’s been dating. And guess what, she hung up with plans for a date later in the week. So who am I to say? Maybe the method works. What do you think? To call or not to call?

Do you have a text messaging story or dilemma you want to share? Leave it in the comments or send it to submissions at crushable.com and you might see it featured in the next Textual Healing.

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  • mjness13

    I used IM with my boyfriend until we had been dating for at least a month or two. & that worked out fine. We did talk for hours via IM though, but it much less formal that way. You have time to think before you type & really say what you wanna say. On the phone, once you say something you can’t just backspace & change it. So when getting to know someone I like using IM and text. Now I talk to him on the phone for hours but we’ve been dating for almost two years, so it makes sense.